For context, I’ve been separated from my children’s father for 10 years now. I fled after years of abuse and violence. My youngest is now 12, my eldest is 14. I noticed how much the abuse I was being subjected to was being absorbed by them and just ran.
Immediately after, we went through family courts and the message then was “children should have a relationship with both parents, the abuse you’ve experienced hasn’t been experienced by the children so meh”.. but I got a lot of orders such as prohibited steps and lives with orders, non-molestation order and protection order for my home too.
I can’t lie, it’s been such a difficult decade to get through. My eldest refused all contact about 5 years ago, and that’s been respected. My youngest has been put in danger numerous times, and has now experienced abusive behaviours, she’s now reached a point of also refusing contact. I have gone back to court with each and every single concern and just been told “contact must continue.” I’ve even called child protection services, the police etc all to no avail. I can’t put any more details on here for obvious reasons.
Now, 10 years later, our local family courts have contacted me and said they’ve been privatised, and upon going over old cases they’ve seen significant failings in mine and they wanted to re-review. I agreed, not thinking much of it. However, I now have an IDVA, 10 years post separation. They’re now conducting a huge safeguarding review including interviews with me, the children, my ex husband etc.
I simply just don’t know how to feel. It feels a lot like I was told to swallow the abuse and have no support, but now I’ve worked so hard on healing myself after that, creating a safe sanctuary for myself and the children, healing our wounds as a family - now someone suddenly cares and wants to drag it all back up? It’s a lot. I feel heavy again.
Can I trust them this time or is this all just going to cause us to relive the pain?