Starting over after separation feels overwhelming and I need reassurance

[MarmadukeM]

I’m so overwhelmed!
I have found a house to go to, am starting all the legal bits and pieces. Went to Ikea yesterday to look at beds etc as thought would be helpful/positive thing to do and just had to leave the shop and sat in car crying my eyes out.
it’s weird as I know the split is right thing to do but it all just feels like ‘too much’.
I am off work as have been ill with bipolar depression which to be honest isn’t much better. Am on new meds that have made no difference except given me gripey stomach. Another factor recovery wise is probably due to end of 22 year marriage and massive anxiety of how I will cope financially on my own.
I am massively catastrophising and just sat alone a lot of the time dwelling on things. In my head I return to work, have meltdown, lose job, lose home etc etc. it’s ridiculous behaviour really but I can’t seem to stop myself.
I’ve literally begged work to let me back and I have occupational health review on Tuesday. I’m going to tell them I’m fine (I’m not) so they’ll let me back as I know the structure and the interaction with other people will be better for me than sitting in this house that already doesn’t feel like my home anymore 🙁
im a nurse and I love my job so work
is not the problem here.
what a bloody shit show.
please can anyone reassure me that they felt this way and it all turned out ok in the end? I feel like my entire life has imploded 😖

I feel for you I really do.
Im going through exactly the same. 20 years of my life gone...wasted loving somthing that never was.
All I can advise is just push on, put you first, new life, new ways, and time. But you first..
Your no good unless you come first.
The emotional energy will make you unwell.
That endless cycle of trying to work out what was wrong, self blame...
Learn the power of no.
And the only emotion anyone can't fight is indifference. If you dont care, you can't get hurt?

If its that bad, is it worth ending the marriage over (obviously depends who ended it)?

It’s mutual but absolutely no chance of reconciliation. Just the timing sucks 🙁

Thanks xx yeah it’s a shock when it ends but nothing can do about that side of things, just wish I was in a better headspace for handling the fallout.

Yes it does get better, and when you look back on this time, you will be amazed at yourself.

When I moved into a new home which I had bought last year, my Dd gave me a card which says ‘I’m so proud of you’. It’s still up and I look at it most days.

My tip - everytime you find yourself going down the rabbit hole where everything goes wrong, make yourself think another scenario where everything goes right, even brilliantly. Make your brain realise there’s more than one possibility

Thanks xxx I will try!

So sorry you are going through this @MarmadukeM
on a practical level go back to your GP and tell them the medication isn’t working for you.

when did you separate? It takes a while to get through it. I will be a year in August and it still get thrown by it all and have a teary moment.

i know getting your own place and all that is very overwhelming. I bought my ex out and so stayed on my own house but there are a lot of memories here that trip me up. Your new house will be amazing when you’re in and you don’t have to have a conversation about anything - paint colours, furniture, it’s all your choice. imagine one of the rooms you are the most excited about and visualise this when you feel yourself spiralling.

I mean thats the trade off.

Pros: I do what I want, when I want. Have home looking my way. Feel much happier

Cons: Kids only half the time, money, future & security (if I got ill tomorrow I would need my kids to look after me rather than partner)

The cons are always there, so focus on the top bits.