Mortgage- anything else I can do to protect myself?

[BookArt55]

Mortgage- I need to ask if there is any further way i can protect myself... feeling very alone and unsupported by Nationwide.

Since January I have informed Nationwide that I do not give permission to any changes to our mortgage which ends next week, because ex threatened he would sign us up to another fixed deal and I would have to pay the ERC. We did one mediation in December, since then Ex has refused another appointment. Now he has agree to shuttle mediation about the house, but not until May. I wanted to discuss a tracker mortgage as he is paying the mortgage and I have had no access to the house in over 2 years.

On Mother's day, my ex signed us up to a 2 year fixed rate without my knowledge. Nationwide, my ex or the app did not tell me. Thankfully, because I am calling every other week, I caught it and cancelled it. Nationwide have said there is nothing they can do, I logged with the police who don't seem interested either.

I was then told by Nationwide that he had another month (despite previous advice saying otherwise), until today, where he could attempt to make changes, that they could put a flag on the account but couldn't stop another online mortgage change- putting the focus on me catching it.

I called again today. Ex has put us on a tracker, has told them that I will never agree to anything (he hasn't asked me, we use OFW), so they put us on a tracker with a 'switching without joint consent' in place meaning that they would not inform me and I can't change it.

Now I would have agreed the tracker. Ex has been threatening that he would force me to pay the early repayment charge if in a fixed, so juat another thing to drag this 2 year plus fight on which is why I cancelled the fixed. But I am very frustrated that Nationwide have not protected me at all in this situation despite me telling them about the financial and emotional abuse.

Is there anything else I need to do to protect myself? I always feel like I need to be one step ahead but I'm drawing a blank.

I think this will end up in court as he wants 70/30 equity split despite being 50/50. He wants my car and all of the contents. We did Family Court last year with thr CAO stating he is extremely emotionally abusive to me, and CAFCASS said he was controlling about the house. I'm exhausted. Thank you.

This does sound annoying and he does sound controlling and unreasonable and I’m sorry he’s been emotionally abusive to you.

Regarding the mortgage, if I’m reading you right, it sounds like you got what you wanted in that the mortgage is now a tracker with no ERC? I guess the upset is more that he is saying untrue bad things about you to nationwide? It can have a very isolating effect when an ex is briefing against you to organisations and institutions you need to rely on.

Do you have any support in place to deal with his abuse? I have found womens aid supportive, and GPs can often also refer for support. Just having someone in your corner who sees his behaviour for what it is and sees how it affects you can be so helpful, to help you manage the stress and find your best path forward.

When you say you’ve no access to the house for 2 years, has he changed locks, refused you access with notice to inspect the jointly owned property, get valuations etc? This is not on, do keep evidence of this eg OFW.

Womens aid can probably recommend solicitors for affordable legal advice. It sounds like getting the financial tie of the mortgage cut will give him one less way to get at you going forward. I appreciate as you will know court is expensive and stressful, but finances aren’t as bad as child arrangements and once you start the process you at least know there will come a time when it is all settled. If he is unreasonable in mediation, and your legal advice is that what you are asking for is appropriate, you may need to just do it. I understand divorce finances is less bad than child arrangements for giving abusive people a platform to lie and sling mud, though that doesn’t say much!

It’s horrible to deal with and I feel for you. Sometimes I think there must be groups out there in the manosphere teaching divorcing men how to be as much of a dick as possible to their ex without facing consequences. What I haven’t found is a good resource for women on how to deal with it, other than employing a solicitor at great personal expense. But know that you’re not the only one going through this, and you don’t deserve to be treated this way.

Sorry, I appreciate none of this answers your actual question and I hope someone financial/legal will pop up to help.

A fixed rate with erc might actually have worked out cheaper - I presume you did the maths on that

are all your other finances separate ?

Thank you for this.
I don't pay the mortgage anymore, 2 years ago my solicitor offered ex to either pay the mortgage, or to pay 50% mortgage abd 50% occupational rent. He opted for the mortgage.
He changed the locks without telling me, ignores any message I've sent about collecting my clothes (i tried to move out two years ago, he assaulted me and I never got to finish moving out, I was there 20mins that day).
I don't want an ERC. It would be cheaper for him monthly, understandably, but another thing fir him to argue about as he wants me to pay the lot- he argued this last year and negotiations fell through because I said I'd only pay 50% of the ERC.

I think we will end up in court, my solicitor has advised trying shuttle mediation first.

I'm annoyed that he can change our mortgage agreement (changed it to his bank account when i was still paying half, changed the fixed rate, now the tracker, try to remove my name etc) and nationwide do not contact me. But if he stops paying they will then contact me and I am liable. They are purposely not updating the app so it requires me calling every couple of weeks to keep myself as safe as possible. This is all despite me infkrning them and a clag bejng put on the account. So I just want to make sure he can't do anything else that will negatively affect me. I check the monthly payment has been made, but otherwise nor sure if there is anything else he can do... because if he can he will, except mucking uo his own credit score.
Thank you both.

Is your name on the deeds? How are you attached to the house?

@BreakingBroken Name on deeds and house, 50/50 owners.

what is stopping you from entering the home?

sorry if Im being ignorant but why cant you force a sale?

Locks changed, scared of what he will do to me, worried about looking bad when we go to court. Cctv in every room of the house. Him taking it out on the kids is my biggest thing. @BreakingBroken

My solicitor and a barrister said to do mediation because otherwise I'll spend the money on legal fees and end up with nothing left and no contents unless I go.to small claims. When mediation fell through, the solicitor said about shuttle mediation. Taken him 4 months to agree. I've said numerous time about the next step-court.

of course @BookArt55 you know him better than anyone but you seem to be giving him both a lot of headspace and leeway.
do you have supportive family? i would recommend my dd, armed with the deeds and police, after some notice 48 hours or so, actually break in and take what belongs to her. if aware that you are coming for your belongings the cctv camera is irreverent. you could inventory items taken and be as professional as possible given the situation.
yes there are physically dangerous men out there and indeed he may be one in which case disregard my suggestion.

my dd indeed had a physically abusive, turned stalking bf who led to her having to break into a home to retrieve her belongings. it was planned family was present. we arrived with a van, due to the camera's had max 1hr. loaded her belongings up and moved her. stayed with her.

he really seems to be holding something over you.