Children want to change surname after divorce

[whycantitbecalm]

Ok, so i have 3 children 17,18 & 19. I have divorced over the last couple of years, from an awful marriage where both the kids and I were on the receiving end of subtle abusive treatment from their dad/my ex, for their whole lives and they see it very clearly.
They don’t see their dad through their own choice.

They are now saying we should all change our names back to my maiden name, they don’t want to be associated with his name. I’ve asked them to think carefully about it as they’re still young and may regret it and they have another year to decide before the youngest is 18 and can do it without his dads consent.

Has anyone done this, is it as big a deal as i feel it is?

No, I don’t think it’s a big deal beyond a bit of a paperwork faff.

You say they’re saying “we should all change our names” - are they including you? What do you want to do?
The only thing I’d want to check is that it’s not one (or two) of your children being more vocal/“pushy” about it, with maybe one being more unsure. But honestly I don’t think it’s a big deal, and it’s probably a good age to do it before having the extra admin of adult jobs and all the other places you’d have to change your name.

I thought you could change your name at 16…at least, DD is hoping she can.

@WhatAMarvelousTuneYep they’re including me and know i would want to have the same surname as them.
They all appear to be on the same page about it to be honest, the mom in me just doesn’t want them to regret it later on

@Myfridgeiscoolif they’re under 18 they need both people with parental responsibility to consent to a legal change, but i believe at 16 they could use a different name and ask for college etc to use it too, but it isn’t a legal change

I changed mine to my step dads as a child, as did my brother. Honestly, if tg
hats what they want id do it.

@whycantitbecalm a 16 or 17 year old can do their own unenrolled deed poll
https://www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll/make-unenrolled-deed-poll

Let them do it. If they regret it they could just change it back.
I think it speaks volumes that they don't see him or want his name, they are old enough to have an opinion.
I'd probably have 1 to 1 conversations with them to ensure they ate doing it off their own back and not feeling pressured.

Its not a difficult task and if they regret it then they can change back.

Presumably if they change their minds in the future they can change it back? My friend’s son waited to 16 and was then able to change his name legally, including on his passport, without his Dad’s consent.

I changed mine for similar reasons (i.e. abusive so-called dad, who I didn't want to be associated with, or have any reminder of). I used the UK Deed Poll service to do mine, and it was easy for me (as a university student) to do on my own. The only thing that I needed was an unrelated person who could sign it for me. People do say that it's "disrespectful" to your parents to change your name sometimes, but they don't usually understand the circumstances or the reasoning behind it until you explain why.

Once she saw how easy it was for me, my mother did the same.

They don’t need pr agreement if 16+ so they just need to do a deed poll. V easy.

If that is what they want to do and of course, if you’re maiden name is nice

Then I don’t see the issue even more so if one or more a female cause very likely they will get married and change their name again

I will say it is easier to do it now and when they’re older, I’m getting divorced, but I’m keeping my married name due to the amount of hassle. It was to change originally from previous name to married name

There is a lot of things to consider to change as you get older WORK document bank account, et cetera

For easier to do now before they’re known as a WORK name

If that is what they want to do and of course, if you’re maiden name is nice

Then I don’t see the issue even more so if one or more a female cause very likely they will get married and change their name again

I will say it is easier to do it now and when they’re older, I’m getting divorced, but I’m keeping my married name due to the amount of hassle. It was to change originally from previous name to married name

There is a lot of things to consider to change as you get older WORK document bank account, et cetera

For easier to do now before they’re known as a WORK name

If that is what they want to do and of course, if you’re maiden name is nice

Then I don’t see the issue even more so if one or more a female cause very likely they will get married and change their name again

I will say it is easier to do it now and when they’re older, I’m getting divorced, but I’m keeping my married name due to the amount of hassle. It was to change originally from previous name to married name

There is a lot of things to consider to change as you get older WORK document bank account, et cetera

For easier to do now before they’re known as a WORK name

If that is what they want to do and of course, if you’re maiden name is nice

Then I don’t see the issue even more so if one or more a female cause very likely they will get married and change their name again

I will say it is easier to do it now and when they’re older, I’m getting divorced, but I’m keeping my married name due to the amount of hassle. It was to change originally from previous name to married name

There is a lot of things to consider to change as you get older WORK document bank account, et cetera

For easier to do now before they’re known as a WORK name

Whoops

16 year old can do it unless you have a child arrangements order in place then they have to wait till 18.
they should do it now before they start their careers, you should change it too fresh start for you all!

A 16 year old doesn’t need consent for any parent at all.

so good you said it 4 times

Why do they want to use your original name? Are you going to start using it?

You and they can change it to anything you like!

What are you concerned about exactly? People can change their names to whatever they want as long as it’s not for fraudulent reasons.

Even with child arrangement order a 16yr can legally change it without parental permission