Divorcing and agreeing finances, pensions and mediation

[MarmadukeM]

Anyone here who has divorced a firefighter or similar (police etc)?
have been with my soon to be ex for 23 years, married 22 and 2 children aged 19 and 16 years old.
he joined the fire service 2 years after we married and his retirement is in 8 years time.
i have a 5 year army pension and that’s all. We have approx £160,000 equity in our jointly owned/mortgaged property.
We are going to book the mediation meeting at some point but am I right in thinking we are best off gathering our financial info prior to this to save time/facilitate the agreement?
im guessing he needs to request a statement of some sort that says what his pension is worth but would appreciate anyone who has gone through the process and what ended up being a reasonable settlement that they could agree on?
further info is he earns approx £3300 net and I earn £2200 net per month.
thanks in advance xx

Yes gather as much information as you can

unless there are mitigating circumstances you’re looking at a 50:50 split so I wouldn’t spend tens of thousands on it

Thanks x he is not going to be happy about that 😖
I was trying to be nice and said I wouldn’t go for everything I was entitled to but he is saying things like ‘well I will need off street parking and a garage’ (when I’m looking at 2 bed terrace with no parking etc and no 3rd room for daughter who is the older child and at uni as I worry I can’t afford it) he also says that it’s not his fault I earn less money than him and he/us having kids never held me back career wise. I’ve worked for NHS for 20years but have no pension as we needed money when kids were young so I opted out of paying so that we had more money to live off. He’s just going on like a bit of a prick and I fear it’s going to bring out the worst in us as now I think he’s being quite cruel in some of the crap he is coming out with. And I have massive anxiety as how I will cope on my salary and he is doing zero to reassure me I will be ok, it’s more like he is lording it over me that he is successful through his own hard work and this is why he has a lot more money than me.

What's your current workplace pension worth? Remember you need the CETV figure for all pensions for a better idea of their worth.

Everything goes in the pot

I’ve worked for NHS for 20years but have no pension as we needed money when kids were young so I opted out of paying so that we had more money to live off.

So he has kept his workplace pension intact and yours doesn't exist. So having kids WAS detrimental to you/r future. You might be able to get slightly more based on this but maybe only 55/45. Fight for what you are entitled to but ask your solicitor to give you two figures. What you are legally entitled to, and what you will realistically get. Throwing 20K to gain the entitled £10K isn't worth doing.

Doesn’t matter if he doesn’t like it

it will be 50:50 of everything possibly slightly weighted towards you if any deviation.

You will both need to do a form E and get a pension CETV. No point doing mediation before full financial disclosure.
If his pension is larger (I expect it's very good, as a firefighter), a pension sharing order should be arranged, to equalise both your incomes in retirement.
Or some or all of the pension value can be offset, so he keeps a greater % of his pension, you get the equivalent value of house equity added onto your 50%.
If the 16yo is living with you, he should pay you CM as a % of his salary, until they're 18.
Absolutely make sure you get everything you are entitled to!

Absolutely make sure you get everything you are entitled to... Not what he would prefer to give you!
This financial settlement will dictate your standard of living for the rest of your life... Take no prisoners.. look after yourself!!!

I would get legal advice asap. Also get your pension CETV’s asap. I would also rejoin your NHS pension now, why should he continue to pay into a pension and you not??? Your take home wage is taken into account so I’d restart your pension now.

Everyone says 50:50 however ours worked out at 70:30 in my favour due to ability to meet housing needs for the children so I’d really recommend legal advice as that was who first mentioned that would be appropriate.

Also, do you work full time? If not I would return full time if possible, again I’d do that now to get the 3 month salaries for mortgage applications. Could you be entitled to universal credit in the future?

I found chat gpt really helpful in telling me the process also if you ever get stuck/ confused.

Op only has one minor who is 16 so less likely to be a significant factor - cms will address that

Thanks for all the advice xxxx