AIBU not wanting to go back to my husband?

[Totallylostandconfused]

I told my husband last July that I wasn't happy and when asked if I actually loved him, I said no. We tried to continue but he blew up every week or so, used the kids against me and in his words, went into mental health crisis. I moved out with the children in January and they split their time between us.
He thinks im throwing the family away and that there is someone else but im genuinely happier separated, I worry about money but he's still refusing to sell the house but I dont want to go back.
Am I being unreasonable? Should I try more or is he just in denial?

This is a question you really don't need to ask and you know it, I'm sure.

Do you just want to talk about it OP?

You're right, he just gets in my head so easily and because things weren't terrible (they weren't perfect either) I feel like maybe he is right and I'll regret this one day, or im being selfish and breaking my children's home

You get one life and yours was miserable with him and happier without him. Lawyer up and get out and stay out.

You left for a reason. That reason doesn't alter by going back.

You need a solicitor, you can force the sale of the house, but you need to get your ducks in a row.

Good luck and stay strong!!

or im being selfish and breaking my children's home

The home was broken before you left it. Remember that.

I have seen a book recommended by others so see if your library stocks it otherwise amazon. It might help you realise that staying, unless both adults are happy, is never the right thing to do imo.

Too good to leave, too bad to stay.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Too-Good-Leave-Bad-Stay/dp/0718141776

Edit - regarding the house you should see a solicitor. A court can force a sale but you need to be in the divorce process ideally

You say “things weren’t terrible” but I think they would start to feel terrible if you went back. Things were bad enough that you did the really hard bit. You told your husband and you told your children and you left.
Now he’s “getting in your head” by accusing you of seeing someone else and guilting you about breaking up your family. That’s not the same as telling you he loves you, taking responsibility for his part in the disintegration of your marriage, committing to going to therapy. His argument seems to be that this is inconvenient and he doesn’t like change.
Imagine how frustrated you will be with yourself if you sleepwalk back into a life with this joyless man because of his whining.
You need a financial settlement and a proper fresh start. Don’t let him wear you down with his lack of action. That’s probably how you got here in the first place.

I have to be honest and say that he is trying to put the effort in and wants this to work but I've seen a different side to him, when I was already unhappy and to be honest just don't want to. Im checked out and know I dont love him but just feel like he's right and I should try harder.
Im not used to making decisions for myself, I guess im looking for validation im doing the right thing

Ok. Reframe it...

If it was your best friend or even a daughter and she came to daying everything you have told us. Told you everything that has happened. All the ways he has worn away at who she is.

What would your advice be to her?

OP you are doing the right thing.

Not the same circumstances as yours, but I got back with DH after a year long separation.

That was 18 years ago and we are still married.

However, for the first decade after getting back together I regretted it so much and kicked myself for doing it every day. I had given up my new found freedom for nothing but stability and the familiar.

We've got used to it now but I still look back and can't understand why on earth we got back together.

Sometimes it can be too little, too late but also if he is starting to put the effort in now you've split why couldn't he have put the effort in before? Who is to say he will stop that effort if you return? Because he will, he revert back to how he was and you will be even more drained and broken. You've always been worth the effort, he just couldn't be arsed.

I guess im looking for validation im doing the right thing
You are doing the right thing. You are happier. Kids are always happier when their main parent is happy. You've got this