Should I go to CMS when my ex is avoiding child maintenance?

[Sarah989]

I’m going through a break up with the father of my child, he is struggling to understand the concept of paying child maintenance and makes comments like why don’t you just work another day or if I am fully booked in ( I work freelance) he says when are you gonna pay me. I really wanted to try to agree on things together, but starting to feel like maybe I need to go to CMS as I don’t think he takes me seriously, I feel a little bit stuck. He’s also a lawyer but claims he has no money, I know life’s expensive but we managed when we were together? I was just wondering if anyone’s had a similar experience and how they managed it?

What do you mean he says ‘ when are you going to pay me?’

Who is owing who in this child maintenance situation?

I don’t owe him anything.. I think it’s to put me off asking he makes these comments. He spends one day a week with our little girl. So he should be paying child maintenance from what I’ve read?

Yes it certainly does sound that way.

Is he self-employed/ sole practitioner, or employed/ a partner?

(You might also want to report your post and ask mnhq to move to an appropriate board. Parenting/ Money Matters/ Relationships/ Legal. Paid Childcare is for discussing nannies, nurseries, etc.)

Good luck!

When you say you managed when you were together, presumably you lived together so only had to pay one set of bills/rent/mortgage or whatever? Absolutely agree parents should pay for their kids, but surely it is a lot more expensive to run two separate households than one, even allowing for the fact they could be smaller/slightly less water electric use etc?
I don't think I could afford our bills without my husband's wage, now fair enough, we all earn different amounts, and as I said, parents definitely should pay for their child, but if he really is struggling as your post seems to say (?), is it worth talking, to agree on what's fair. You say he's a lawyer, but it is worth getting legal advice yourself to see what's considered fair in this specific situation?

Of course he should be paying child maintenance.

I used the CMS when my ExH got arsey, and I'm glad I did as his voluntary £215 pcm that he was being arsey about suddenly shot up to £450 pcm. More fool him. But he was public sector PAYE so it was easy for CMS to pin him down.

You'll need his full name, DoB, NI number, place of work, occupation, and address.

It was also a massive relief for the staff at CMS to take on the job of dealing with him, as he was by then turning into a deeply unpleasant stranger. The CMS staff don't give a fuck and will simply keep ringing and writing if they have his full details, and move to a warning of deduction of wages. That's the point where mine actually started to take it seriously.

The difficult cases are the 'self-employed' wasters.

He’s not contributed since me moving back to my parents, I feel he is comfortable financiallyas he has told me he’s not able to look after our daughter on the weekends we’ve planned as he’s going to golf in Portugal and Spain.

Yes, he’s a lawyer, and he’s very good with his words so in a situation, I don’t feel so confident in he can very quickly shut the conversation down.

He’s also taken the car we bought together and has not paid me back for this yet and refused to let me borrow it. I really Understand what you were saying, and I feel like I have been giving him the benefit of the doubt for a long time which is why I’m now asking if I should stop trying to speak with him about it and try another way.

We've moved this thread to our Divorce and Separation topic at the OP's request.

He's winding you around his little finger, dont let him. Apply to CMS straight away and get yourself a shit hot solicitor.

Fortunately for you, all his earnings will be traceable by CMS.

Stop discussing it with him, just put in an application to cms, it takes his control away. And get a solicitor.

If he is employed, go via CMS. He will be liable for some maintenance if he only sees dc once a week
Self employed is trickier as he may hide income but not insurmountable

Would also recommend you download a parenting app so all communication goes through that and is recorded. You don’t need to speak to him otherwise

My ex was also refusing to pay, so I worked out what he should be paying and said that, if he hadn't agreed by 9am the following day, I would submit a claim through CMS. Obviously, he went into a full rant by email, but I just put the claim in anyway. Apparently, he phoned them and ranted, but ended up paying.

They take the info from his tax return.

You don’t need a lawyer. You just need to put in a cms claim

Are you married? That doesn’t make any difference to CMS but wondered if he is shafting you anywhere else on financials?