What is your relationship with your in laws after divorce?

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I’m not particularly close to mine, although I get on reasonably well with my mother-in-law—more “ok-ish” than anything else. She can be a bit annoying at times, but it’s manageable.

I’m curious what others’ experiences are like. Do you maintain contact with your in-laws separately from your ex? For example, do you meet them or allow them to see your child without your ex being present, or is everything usually done through the ex?

To be honest, I don’t really want to see my ex at all, but I assume I’ll still need to manage handovers, so I’m wondering what people generally do in relation to in-laws as well. What’s considered normal in these situations?

I would say very good,

They mostly stayed out of the divorce

So when it was all over an done with I ensured they still had full access to my kids (I have them 24/7)

It's better for me, them and the kids

I was dropped instantly, after 18 years of marriage and being the main person who kept in contact with them.

I was completely ousted despite being in their lives for 30 years and being extremely close to my MIL. My ex left me for another woman and I was told she would feel awkward if I was still a part of their lives. I don’t know if she felt like that at all, tbh. I do think she was made the scapegoat for their feelings of not knowing how to handle a difficult situation. Plus, their son is their son and of course he was the priority. It used to hurt a lot, but I get it.

Exactly the same. An affair for over 4 years, his father had done the same thing. I visited them each month. Called, sent pictures of the kids.

Then I was asked what I did to cause him to have the affair, no one spoke to me again. Now they see the kids every few months if that as my ex still doesn't bother.

I’m still really close to mine. They still refer to me as their DIL and include me in things. It helps that I get on well with xdh’s wife.

Was it your in-laws or your husband? Did you want to keep a close relationship with them directly, rather than through your ex?

My ex MIL has passed away now (FIL passed before I met ex) but we weren’t very close beforehand. She lived near and we got on fine, she just kept herself to herself. She did look after DS one lunchtime a week when he was little which was lovely of her and if we saw her in the shop she’d always buy him some sweets. I didn’t really need to facilitate contact though but if it had been that situation, I’d have left it to ex to share his time with ds with his mum I think. She occasionally rang and asked me for a lift home on my way back from work and on one occasion she made it clear she thought her son had behaved badly and I had been very reasonable and basically thanked me for that.

I wanted a close relationship, I had made all the effort with them for the 18 years before. Ex hardly visited or phoned but as I am from a large close family I wanted to involved them.

They didn't feel the same and accused me of taking his money, taking his house, not letting him see the kids, not letting them see the kids. None of this was true.

I suggested I bring the kids over but was asked not too. That was it from their point of view.

My inlaws have always been vile so I was glad never to have contact with them again. We didnt have any children together.

In my case, I feel like they still want me to be around, but I think it would be quite awkward for me and I’m not sure I would enjoy it. Even when things were good, I always felt quite different from them and we didn’t have much in common, so I’ve never really been able to mingle comfortably.

My in-laws live in a different town, and it would feel quite awkward for me to go and stay with them, especially if my ex-husband is there as well. It’s not that they aren’t nice, but I just don’t feel relaxed or at ease around them. I imagine my ex will still take the children to see them, which I’m absolutely fine with, but for me personally, being together at occasions like Christmas or the children’s birthday parties would feel very uncomfortable.

I also feel like my mother-in-law wants to stay in touch and be involved, which I do understand as she wants to spend time with the children. However, I’m not comfortable with her coming to my home. Can my ex force this in any way, or is this normal practice after separation or divorce?

My PILs had passed away by the time we divorced. My Ex went no contact with his sister who I always got on well with and none of us were allowed to talk to her.
Im back in contact with her now- shes a good friend. She has no contact with him.

I still get on well with ex FIL and step MIL. We were close when I was married and I still see them occasionally separately from the kids/ex. They help ex out a lot with the kids (we have them 50:50) so see them quite a bit because of that.

I have no reason to support the kids’ relationship with them but if I did I’d be very committed to doing so.

Ex MIL never spoke to me again after we separated. She has since died and I attended her funeral. I was really sad we hadn’t spoken- we’d got on really really well when I was married to ex.

I cant speak fron personal experience hieever after duvorce both my parents kept in contact with their inlaws. I spend time with my paternal grandparents initiated by my mother. She was welcomed in their home.

My brother (who lived with our dad) spent time with our naternal side.

They both showed for the funerals as their inlaws passed. I recall strongly at my maternal grandmothers funeral my mother making it very clear my dad was to remain for the part after the official wake that was for family only. She said "you belong here"

My father retained a strong bond with 2 of his brother in laws post divorce however my mother didn't with his sisters. (Though paradoxically her older brother was married to my dads younger sister) they were polite though and we never worried about having them in the same room together. My paternal aunt has been a bit more forthright in her view of my mother after mums death but she is not rude just more willing to state her view on things.

As a child I can recall feeling happy I didn't have to monitor how I spoke of my other parents families. I do wonder through if this has to do with my parents gettirng together in their teebs so they somewhat grew up with each others families.

Hope you feel better now. Was it you left your ex or your ex left you?

I’m twice-divorced. In both cases, the warm, loving relationships I had with my mothers-in-law continued until their deaths.

I left my ex and I don’t think she forgave me. The sad thing is, she had left my ex fil many years previously for very similar reasons, and I’d hoped she’d understand. I think she probably did in her heart of hearts but she felt she had to be loyal to her son. I just wish we’d been able to at least say some friendly words before her (sudden) death.

No relationship after split.
FIL died, lots of interaction, arranging funeral, death certificates, wake etc. Was in lead funeral car.
Post funeral no relationship

My aunt and uncle have their ex SonIL for Christmas dinner. This might be unusual?

Set whatever boundaries you feel comfortable with.

I co-parent amicably with my ex. His parents and mine are all dead so no relationships there.

I am hugely relieved that I'll never have to lay eyes on his ex or their dd ever again.

Our ds is 17 and can make his own decisions about who he sees, which is as it should be.

It’s entirely up to you, OP.

Nobody can force you to see them or have them come to your home. Its entirely up to your ex to take them to his parents. You dont have to see anyone you dont want to.

Didn’t see any of them ever again apart from a SIL
that was a married in one and also divorced. Had no kids together. XMIL recently died and I couldn’t help but wonder what she would have been like if she hadn’t married the man she did ☹️

If I separated from my dh it would be an additional blessing that I never had to interact with them again tbh but then again my inlaws despise me. It surely depends entirely on what your relationship is like

Initially ex dealt with contact with his parents and our girls. However, 6/7 months after he left and he hadn’t seen the girls for 3 months his Mum messaged me asking if there was anyway I would facilitate their relationship and also to say that, in case ex hadn’t said, she was still happy to babysit or do any emergency pick ups etc. I very nearly said “sort it with your son” but my girls missed their GPs so I said I’d temporarily facilitate for them.

That was 25 years ago. I still see ex MiL regularly, my girls still see her regularly, and neither she or my girls have seen their dad/her son for many years. They were openly critical of their son when he basically abandoned his children and in the end fell out with him over it (ex had more children after we split that he abandoned as well).

it was slightly awkward at first as none of us really knew how to handle it, but I’m glad we persevered

EX MIL was my childcare. She moved in when EXH was on nights and I was working to help out right from when DS was tiny. She was welcomed by my family & invited to every Christmas Day and family do.

EX FIL had had an affair and left her after 25 years. He had remarried. He was a pompous arseh*le and I’m so glad I never have to set eyes on him or his wife again. They were the most awful pair!

EXH was the blue eyed boy and he moved in with EX MIL after I kicked him out when I found out about his affair. I don’t know the lies he told her but she stopped speaking to me and sent me a message saying she wouldn’t be helping with childcare any more.
i’ve never seen her since & DS has seen her a handful of times in the 2 years we’ve been divorced. I’m pretty sure EXH tells her I won’t let him have DS much… he will definitely have spun the narrative to make himself a victim.
It shocked me really as I truly thought she would understand the damage he had done through the affair as she had had the same done to her. I would have been willing to keep the contact with her only grandchild had she contacted me and dealt with things appropriately but I’ve accepted that she’s made her choices and think it’s her loss that she barely sees DS now.
EX SIL initially reached out but I don’t hear from her either. She saw DS on Christmas Day and hadn’t seen him for a year before that.