Child maintenance - getting a rise

[roobyred]

My ex is very tight despite being a high earner. He’s currently underpaying (possibly by 200 a month). I believe he’s deliberately input his salary by lowering it by at least 10k. He really drags me down when it comes to discussing money and I’m tired. It’s always a fight and like he’s the victim. I have the children for the majority of the time and now they are getting older they don’t want to go to his. I cover all the school holidays. I sound pathetic but can someone tell me what to say in an email that won’t provoke a hostile reaction.

Don’t bother, just go through CMS and get them to check his payslips

Thanks. I think that will cause such hostility and bad feeling. I really would rather avoid that route.

I hear you.
I literally put your entire message on chat gpt.

Hi [Name],

I’d like to review the current child maintenance arrangements to ensure they reflect the children’s needs and both of our circumstances fairly.

As you know, the children are with me the majority of the time, and I cover most day-to-day costs as well as school holidays. As they are getting older, their needs and associated expenses are naturally increasing.

Based on this, I believe the current amount may no longer accurately reflect the situation. I would appreciate it if we could review this together, using up-to-date and accurate income information, so we can agree a fair contribution going forward.

If it’s easier, we could also refer to the Child Maintenance Service guidelines to ensure consistency and transparency.

My priority is to reach a reasonable and sustainable agreement that supports the children properly, without unnecessary conflict.

Please let me know how you’d like to proceed.

Thanks,

I use chat gpt a lot as sometimes I just can't write without being triggered.

Hope this help….

Thanks very much, why didn’t I think of this?! Thank you.

I think the ChatGPT suggestion is a good start, but if he is 'hostile' then he will pick up on the fact that maintenence is due on the number of overnights and his salary, not the fact that their needs are increasing etc.

Focus on the facts; perhaps suggest that a recalculation is due with the new financial year (or some other reason). But if you cant trust him to do the calculations honestly, CMS is your only option (or accept what he tells you)

Going off your Op it doesn’t sound like you’d be ruining much of a relationship with him anyway if you did go through CMS

Has he lowered it for pensions contributions? ( which he’s allowed to do )

@millymollymoomoo is there a way to find out? It’s a public sector role.

I don’t know but if his salary is say 80k so £6666 per month gross, he’s allowed to deduct pension from that so say he contributes 10% that would go through cns as £6000 per month and would calculate from
that basis

I’ve never claimed via cms so don’t know what you’d see in terms of calculation .

I didn’t know this, thanks. Although the calculator asks for annual salary so I just put in the lowest figure from the salary band.

This is a good point. My DH didn’t know he was allowed to do this and overpaid for around 10 years.

Some depts are getting a 3yr pay deal which is quite generous (for public sector)

The calculator asks for gross salary after pension contributions but before tax and ni

Ah thank you millymolly that would explain it. He earns much more than I imagined then. Also if he’s voluntarily topping up his pension would that be taken off too? He’s very clued up on money. I find the CMS confusing because he’s refusing to give pocket money, am I supposed to provide spending money if even they are with him, because that’s the way it’s operating.

Yes voluntary contributions to pension would come off too

He even does it to the last 30 pence to make a point. No rounding.

Definitely go through cms. If he was self employed, you'd be a bit screwed, but in a salaried role you'd actually get a much fairer amount than currently. There's only so much he can put in a pension before he couldn't afford to live.

You don't need to provide any pocket money for in his care, or even clothes etc. But for older children they could take their own clothes and things, and be responsible for bringing them back. But say he wanted to take them skiing, he couldn't ask you to provide the clothes and spending money, just access to the passport.

He's sounding like a bit of a bully tbh. Just say let's take the emotion out of things and go through CMS,and then don't engage further or allow him to bully you into changing your mind. Good luck.

Overpaid?? How? Was it but calculated by CMS?

CMS were never involved, they worked it out between them and he didn’t realise he had to deduct his pension contributions

He didn’t have to deduct it - he just can.

and supporting your children isn’t something you really overpay is it