My Scottish husband and I have been living in Thailand for the last 15 years. We have a 6-year-old son who has grown up here. A few years ago, we decided we were done with Thailand and ready to move and we decided on spain. In the meantime, we've gone through a lot of trauma, including my mom dying last year, my dad had died a few years before that. We we have a very tumultuous relationship and have pretty volatile arguments. I have been feeling the urge to leave for a long time. But I love him so much. He treats me like a queen so much of the time. But it doesn't cancel out the volatile nature of our relationship, and also the fact that he can be really condescending, rude, and dismissive a lot of the time. He had a alcohol problem, and when I asked for a divorce last year, he decided to quit drinking. Which is huge, but he's also not getting any support, so he is leaning on me so much.
Despite all the time I think about leaving him, I've never actually been able to do it because he's so head over heels for me that I just feel like I will completely and totally ruin his life. Not to mention the possibility of my son hating me for it. And there's a huge part of me that worries that it could be the biggest mistake I'll ever make. But this nagging doubt has been in my mind persistently for over 10 years.
Is it something that I can maybe move past? Or do I need to honour it?
If I leave, it means moving to spain, and having my son only have the year, although I would go and spend part of the year in Thailand to be closer with him as well.
I'm also not sure if maybe we just need to be free for a couple years, and potentially come back together later on. I feel like he needs some time to grow up, we've been together since he was 21.