Do I wait or press on?

[Mani2024]

I would like to start the process of divorcing my husband after years of emotional abuse, financial infidelity, lies and deceit. He has been running a failing business for the entirety of our marriage, refusing to give it up and get a job. He is finally admitting defeat now that we are separating and says he will get a job at some point this year when his business has closed. A job has come up that he might apply for but this is shift work job and pays around 25k less than me per year. He is at home all day doing very little. Lately pottering around and sending a few emails here and there or going for a swim. He has over half a million of business debt and significant amount of personal debt. I believe he has savings of about 30k and he is due to receive inheritance later this year which he says will pay off all his personal debts and then some. I have about 13k of savings which will probably all go on solicitors, a good pension and good job bringing in a good salary. He has no pension.

although it will be extremely skinny living I can buy him out the home and cover all house, personal and children’s expenses but I’m concerned he will be seen as having the greater need due to his employment status and be awarded far more than 50% of the equity. I have completed my pre and post divorce budget and really struggling to see how I could afford to cover everything if he takes a larger portion of the assets. We live in quite an expensive area of the UK so i would need to consider moving although im really mindful about unsettling the children and would want to keep them in the same school if possible. if he is awarded 50% or less he absolutely would not be able to afford the area we live in and I know the court needs to ensure that both parents can meet the needs of the children.

He will likely get a significant amount of money from inheritance later in life and his parents would definitely cover the cost of his legal fees but I know this is not factored in. I pay for the vast majority of the children’s needs although he has started chipping in a bit more of late.

i have lots of evidence of his reckless behaviour and lies he has told about finances but again I don’t believe the court would be interested in this. With the job situation he tells me he should be working by August but given the history I have huge doubts about this and can’t see him sustaining a job. The shift work job would mean it will be really tricky for us to arrange 50:50 shared care so I am terrified he will simply opt not to work because this would mean I would potentially have the children on a more frequent basis. With his inheritance he may just choose to live off of that meaning he would still be seen as having the greater need as there will be no income on his side. I’m open to a really fair and flexible arrangement with the children as I believe they need to have a consistent and solid relationship with us both but in the initial period I would like to suggest the children are with me so he can take this job and start bringing in an income. I have no idea how he plans to pay off this business debt, he just says he’ll sort it. My intial appointment with a solicitor informed me that I would not be seen as responsible for this

im really really desperate to leave this marriage but wonder, do I need to just hold on until he is working? Does it look like I’m going to be on the back foot because of his terrible life choices and lack of responsibility.

His earning capacity will be assessed on his qualifications and experience whether he is employed or not at that level. He can put forward a case as to why his is unable to take a job, which could range from parental responsibilities to disabilities. But these are unlikely to be absolute bars from working, either part time or full time. It’s fairly tenuous these days to claim an inability to work if the children are school aged and there is an option for wrap around care.

If he does take a job with shift work it will complicate co parenting but not in an insurmountable way. Sometimes it makes things easier and sometimes not but until he gets a job you won’t know.

There isn’t enough information in your post to determine how the debt and inheritance will be treated. He could use his personal savings to cover the debt rather than his inheritance. It seems daft that he wouldn’t have done that already unless the debt is on zero interest.

The process of mediation, disclosure and reaching a financial settlement won’t be quick. You can slow it down yourself at any point by just stalling. A lot depends on what you mean by receiving an inheritance later this year. What does that mean and how much of it is a known, known. There is a huge difference between assuming someone will die and leave a lot money and they have died and the will is in probate and the estate has been valued.

@LemonTT i don’t think he could argue that he needs to be available for childcare. I can do all the drop offs and pick ups although there will be one -three days a week where I need to book afterschool club until 5. I live next to the school. So they’ll be in wrap around for a very short period of time.

He has credit cards and loans with high interest but he is not paying them off as I believe he is hiding his current savings account. I have stumbled across this by accident. I don’t know how much inheritance he will be getting and I doubt he will tell me either. He has a great aunt who had no children so her assets will be split between my husband and his two sisters. He tells me it’s enough to pay off his personal debt and then some but there is a process they’re going through and he says he doesn’t know when this is to be complete but likely end of May. I think the reason he is telling me this is to stall me applying for a divorce as he absolutely does not want this. I believe that he thinks if I find out about his current level of savings and I’m aware it’s enough to pay off his personal debts then I would get going with the application now. He tells me everything is going to be amazing once he gets a job and we have a bright future etc but I am quite frankly burnt out now. He is extremely manipulative

in terms of future inheritance there is of course no future guurantee so it can not be factored in. What I can say is his parents estate is of significant value and they have a huge amount of capital. I’m not interested in any of it, I just want to come out of this with 50% of the equity in our home so I can rebuild my life. I have no family at all so it’s really just myself and my children