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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Did anyone else struggle to stop saying we during separation?

5 replies

IsThisLifeNow · 01/04/2026 14:26

Afternoon. I can't get out the habit of using 'we' when talking to other people. It's like I've forgotten how to just be me and I feel pathetic. Did anyone else get stuck on this?

Some background, Divorce is ongoing, very amicable, probably because I don't actually feel like its real yet. STBExH came out almost a year ago, turn out he'd lied to me for our entire relationship, we are still both living in the family home, but I am due to move out next week into my own lovely house. I am devastated at my failed marriage, I honestly though he was a good guy.

I think that's what is stopping me from moving on, I genuinely feel I'm living the worst parts of being single and the worst bits of being in a relationship. I absolutely cannot wait to move out into my own space but I am also dreading it a bit too which I realise is crazy talk, We will have the kids 50/50.

He has well moved on, took his wedding ring off immediately, never uses 'we' anymore, I guess I am just struggling with moving on, despite it definitely being over

OP posts:
ReadySteadyCant · 01/04/2026 16:56

You’re going through a big change and it’s natural and understandable to adapt, you’ll get there and once you’re in your own place and start new routines you’ll adapt. You’re not pathetic at all.

Seeing your husband adapt quicker than you isn’t any kind of reflection on you and your ability to drop the “we” It just shows that he was checked out of the marriage and and been adapting and making his plans for his future self before you were even aware there was a problem. Keep that in mind when you’re feeling hard on yourself. It sounds like, at least emotionally and mentally, he was further ahead in the splitting up than you were.

Mycarsmellsoflavender · 01/04/2026 21:51

I often use ‘we’ to mean the family unit of myself and the kids. I’ve been single for 6 years.

IsThisLifeNow · 02/04/2026 22:05

Thank you for your kind replies, I definitely use 'we' to mean the kids and I and I'm fine with that, but I'm really trying to train myself out of using it for me and him.

Yes he definitely moved on before he even told me the truth, I have 1 more week living with him and I am so ready for it to be over. Its been absolute torture and I'm so close to being free!

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 02/04/2026 22:08

I still sometimes say our children he hasnt seen our children for years I still say we when referencing the children people assume im talking about ex dh im usually talking about my daughter 😂

FloydPink · 05/04/2026 09:23

Totally normal - if I talk about the past its always we went on X holiday back in 2016, but thats as far as it goes - factually correct.

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