I’m sorry for the long post, but I feel like I’m spiraling and really need some advice.
I have been married for 12 years. I met my spouse abroad after he had been deported from the UK. We had a short courtship and got married within six months. Because he couldn’t live in the UK, we relocated to an EU country.
I have always been the primary breadwinner. He has had occasional jobs, but nothing substantial. During our marriage, we had two children. He stayed at home with our youngest until she was old enough to attend nursery at age one.
During this time, his dad gave us large sums of money — £20,000 in 2020 and around £60,000 in 2023.We lived in the EU for 7 years. I obtained permanent residency, and as a result, my spouse also has residency (but not permanent). Our plan was always to return to the UK, so we applied, and he was eventually granted pre-settled status, allowing him to move to the UK in 2023.
In 2023, I received a very well-paid job offer in the Middle East, but I could not bring my family initially. He convinced me to take the job while he relocated with the children to the UK. I was extremely reluctant, as I had never lived away from my children, but after a lot of pressure and verbal abuse, I agreed and moved.
He stayed in the UK with the children for a year. During that time, he didn’t work, which I understood as he was caring for them. My income, along with the money his dad had given us, meant we were financially stable.
In August 2024, the children joined me in the Middle East, and they have been living with me ever since. He has remained in the UK to maintain his pre-settled status but has visited us regularly.In January 2026, we had an argument about him not working. For years, I have tried to encourage him to train or do something, but he refuses and makes excuses. He says he is trying, but he doesn’t actively look for work. Instead, he spends money on music production, hiring studio time.
After the argument, he blocked me. Since I live in another country and WhatsApp is our main form of communication, this was very difficult. I chose not to reach out, as I felt he was in the wrong and should contact me.After three weeks of no contact, he messaged me saying he wanted a divorce and was moving on. He also transferred £20,000 from my UK account, which he had access to. Due to the current conflict situation, we have remained in the Middle East and haven’t been able to travel back for the spring break.My child has a phone, so he has been comunicating with them on there, but I have not spoken to him since he blocked me.
Now I don’t know what to do. I know I want to file for divorce, but I am terrified about what will happen to my children. They are extremely settled here, love their friends, and I have a stable, well-paid job. When we return to the UK in the summer for a holiday, I am scared he will try to keep the children there.
For context, he has no job and lives in a rented apartment, which is paid for using money I earned and money his father gave us years ago. The children have only attended school in the UK for one year — they have mainly lived in the EU and the Middle East.I am terrified that I will be forced to leave my job and return to the UK if he tries to get joint custody. However, he was always happy for them to live here — he was the one who encouraged me to take this job in the first place.
I want to file for divorce because he has been verbally abusive, and there have been two instances of physical abuse during our marriage (which I did not report). He has also cheated on me.But I feel like I have to beg him to come back, otherwise the life my children know and love could be ruined.I don’t think I could survive financially in the UK on my own. My job there would not pay well, and he would not contribute financially — he hasn’t even tried to work in the last six years.