Financial agreement

[kellym222]

I am struggling with divorce and would welcome any advice or experiences.

I have been trying to move the divorce forward for months and I so want it to be over.

It was my decision to end things after being unhappy for years and begging for change.

My ex (Graham) and I were on decent terms so I suggested mediation to work out financials to save us solicitor costs and he agreed. We did light financial declaration and he then asked to stop mediation because he appointed a solicitor and seemed to think he could get more.

Our 3 bed semi house is worth approx £360k, he has £140k in savings (mostly from his mum’s inheritance which he received during the marriage). I have approx £2k in savings and investments. His pension is £34k and mine is £8k (so over 4x mine). I have the kids (two kids) the majority of the time and he does every other weekend (2 nights). He is currently renting and I have been paying all mortgage and bills since June 2024 just after he moved out. With his savings/inheritance he can easily go and buy a house tomorrow.

My solicitor suggested a clean break was fair with me keeping the equity in the house (approx £170k) and him keeping his savings and investments (£140k) and pension (£34k) as I’m the main carer and this is where the kids live the majority of the time. In order to have a divorce and aim to take over the mortgage I had to change my job and earnings are now £62.5k per annum vs his £38k so this doesn’t go in my favour but I didn’t have a choice.

Solicitor back and forth is slow as his solicitor isn’t quick to respond so we’re often waiting 4 weeks for one letter and it’s getting very costly. We asked for full financial declaration and the solicitor said her client doesn’t want to do that and has ruled out a private judge. I’m also confident that he’s hiding money from the inheritance.

We have offered £8k equity from the house but with petrol, food and energy prices soaring I am uncomfortable to offer much more. Outgoings are so high where I have the kids so much and I feel like my life is on hold as all my money is tied into solicitors and I can’t even book the kids a basic holiday.

I desperately want this over but I don’t want to trip the three of us up with even higher mortgage payments and the mortgage is going to continue rising as it is with rates climbing. I have an old car so will need to save up for when that gives up and I need to build my pension after years of being part time.

Has anyone been in a similar position or any advice? I’m finding it all very stressful and it’s making me unwell but I don’t want to give away too much and my kids suffer because of it.

If you have tried mediation the answer is to issue proceedings in court then he has to disclose to set time frames.

You need to force financial disclosure. You are probably right that he is hiding money.

What advice has your solicitor given you about how his savings which are mainly inheritance will be treated. If they are mostly inheritance then it may not be treated as a marital asset. That will probably be the basis of case. Which will go something like this.

The children may spend most of their time with you now but they spend time with him. He needs an equivalent property.

You earn more. his mortgage capacity is roughly 150-200k on a good day. Yours is 250-300k before adjustment for child support payments.

Add in the pension but excluding inheritance takes the asset pot to 220k. His share is 110K on a 50:50 split and would require you give him £50k equity.

I think is a reasonably strong case as his mortgage capacity is so much lower and even allowing for the inheritance makes him equal to you. His standard of living won’t be much better than yours.

This is essentially what you will need to argue against. Taking this to court could cost you thousands and you could end up having to give him more money. He is spending thousands because he has a lot to gain if he wins. But it is a big If.

His solicitor argued that the inheritance isn’t a marital asset but my solicitor said regardless it is in the marital pot and this is a case of need.

He could easily be on more money and my solicitor has stated in letters that he isn’t maximising his earning potential which is true. He also has much more freedom than I do. I cannot earn any more because I can’t go to London etc due to childcare restrictions.

A mortgage advisor said that I needed to be on much more (I was previously part time on around £25k per annum) to keep the house so I worked hard to make that happen and went full time.

In mediation my ex said a mortgage advisor said he could get a £300k house with his current savings. My solicitor said he doesn’t necessarily need an equivalent house when he only has them 4 nights per month.

Keeping the equity doesn’t make me any better off financially but if I add £20k to the mortgage that ends up being significantly more with interest.

Everything the lawyers are saying are contentions that they will make. They are all valid and it will be up to the judge to decide. You will be paying for them to do it. It’s worth trying to establish how much that will cost and what he would accept if you upped your offer.

I would say it is risky to rely on the inheritance being deemed a marital asset with 200k of other assets.

What is his offer to you ?