Afraid to separate/divorce with children, no support and nowhere affordable to live

[Mumofkidss2]

I'm afraid to divorce. For one i cant afford it and for another I have no idea where i am supposed to live. I have ko support here whatsoever.
He is not a good person screams at me and the kids. Hes very emotionally and verbally abusive especially towards our 5yr old. Today our 9yr old was counting something and her 5yr old sister started screaming and wanted to count and just kept screaming so her dad screamed at 5yr old to shut up so shesaid shut up back. Then drove home and screamed at me blocked the door that I can take the youngest and get the f out and that they youngest isnt even his(she is,backstreet he believes she isnt because he accused me of cheating on him with his friend all because I didnt tell him said friend was getting divorced). He said that she's dumber than a box of rocks and needs to be medicated. Her doctor never once mentioned that and referred us to occupational therapy.
I work but I have odd shifts like 4pm to 10pm or 4pm to 11pm,6am to 6pm and overnight shifts. I cant afford daycare hes the only one who could watch them.

Another situation is we bought a vehicle. The person gave us 2 keys. Since we have now have 2 vehicles that are made by the same company the keys he has for both vehicles have the same emblem on them and he was like well idk which is which now. And I said maybe some nail polish put on the new vehicle key and he agreed. I looked at my keys and 1 for the new vehicle has a different emblem than the key for the older vehicle.

So I was just trying to be nice and make things easier and gave him my emblem key thats different than his so he could tell them apart so he didnt have to get confused or have smelly nail polish on his key and he could easily pick the key so i took his key for the new vehicle and gave him mine.

When I tell you this man child went full blown crazy I am not kidding. He starts screaming at me why did I touch his keys he then throws his keys on the ground and demands I give him back his key so I put it back on exactly where it was beforehand and he screams at me that it isnt where he first had it. And I need to leave his s* the f alone. I cant afford this house on my own and I know he can't either since he quit a higher paying job with commission for a teacher's assistant job that pays way less and we are struggling

you need to leave him for the sake of you and your kids if he is that abusive it will turn violent at some point also the damage it is doing to your children is terrible. by law if you are married he has to leave the marital home and keep roof over the kids heads till 16 i think. but as he is abusive that probably wouldnt happen. you can claim child maintenance. first things first goto citizens advice if you tell them he is abusive you will get more help, probably moved to a shared mother/child accomodation at first. in all honesty youd be better in a 1 bed flat with you and your kids and without the abuse x

I can't afford this place we live at by myself,my name isnt even on it and I cant afford a place of my own I dont make that much month and I can't work if I don't have someone to watch the kids....hes not a civilized person and will never be a civilized person.

Why is it so easy to get married and so difficult to get divorced.

Speak to women’s aid. There is help out there

you need to speak to women's aid, they have a website and can offer help, you think you cannot do this. because it sounds like he has emotionally abused you for a long time. but i promise you, you've got this, first step contact women's aid, don't worry about the rest of it yet. you just need to decide, is this mans abuse what you want for the rest of your life and do you want your daughters growing up thinking that's the way they should be treated by a man, because that is what you are teaching them if you stay with him. i know its scary and daunting but there is help out there for you x

@mammat72 thats not correct

if he is in the deeds he cannot be made to leave unless op is successful in obtaining an occupation order. He doesn’t have to lay the mortgage if there is one as it’s joint and several liability . Equally there’s no automatic right for op to remain in the marital home now for husband to keep them there

financially it depends whether house is owned or rented, incomes and needs.

there is financial support available- universal credit, child maintenance etc but this will depend on housing:income/earnings etc

first thing is seeking suppprt and assistance from women’s aid and perhaps also a therapist /counsellor to work on yourself and come up with a plan/help you think straight

if you’re in immediate danger call the police

He says there is no way I will be able to keep my kids since I grew up in a foster home my mom didnt raise me and my sisters had their kids taken away

He sounds absolutely terrifying. I would hate to be around him screaming for even 2 minutes

Well that’s just nonsense.

It is. Our 4yr old throws tantrums and he just kept spanking her yesterday because she wouldn't be quiet. Told her how SHE is a bad kid and that she's dumber than a box of rocks. If i had money I wouldn't be so afraid to divorce

5 not 4

Is this real OP? Your husband shouldn’t be physically hurting your child. You need to leave

If he’s physically spanking the kids, assuming you are in the UK, just tell police/social services. They’ll solve the problem for you

Yeah it is its eggshells all the time around him. I never know what's going to set him off,I have to think of what to say and how to say it before I even talk to him

Want to know something else thats nonsense? I started writing a book at the beginning of the year just for fun/me/hobby but then I wanted to try and sell it and I told him i had something i wanted to share i wrote a book but i dont think you will like it. Hes like why you write crap about me in it maybe i dont want other people reading it. I told him no and Its like a fantasy book etc. Demanded to know why i didnt tell him I was writing a book and then he wouldn't talk to me. Told me he's lucky someone else drove where we went or he would leave me there.
Then when we get back home he told me how mad he was that I didnt tell him I wrote a book and said how its a "trust" thing.....when this man child has been playing gta since 2017 with some whore telling her how hes a sucker for blondes,wanting to meet up with her and her telling him when we do we won't play video games and he goes "damn you got my mind racing",telling her one time he had to stop playing to pay bills and she acted sad and he goes "without you here there's not much stopping me from paying the bills"

Makes me sick being married to someone like him

He is abusing you and your children definitely give women's aide ring and see what help is available

that's manipulation to scare and control you, you need to get support asap. its a wonder he has a job in a school with a personality like this

Right? Also our middle child is special needs,needs extra help in school and they've been trying for like 3 yrs and he finally allowed it like last year,I think she needed the help then but he would just scream at me. I do have a job but I am only called in when needed a d even then he tells me I have to work a certain amount of hours every month so we can afford bills

I’d rather live in a box on the street than with someone who treated my children like this. For the love of God, ring women’s aid, book an appointment at your local council office, speak to the police, your GP, anyone who can give advice and help in this situation.

Do absolutely anything other than just stay and wonder what to do.

I don't think she's in the UK. OP you need to make yourself aware of help local to you for women in your position. Also have a look at the financial help you could access. Would you get help with rent and living costs? Are there refuges or safe places you could go to with your children?

I know you think you can't do this on your own. I'd encourage you to think about what you would do if he left you. You'd have no choice but to cope then. When you figure out what you'd do in that situation, you'll have a plan for what to do when you leave him.

And if i live in a box on the street I won't have my kids

What country are you in OP

If he's hitting the 4 year old and you know but don't report it then you are complicit. She'll be telling her teacher soon.