What is fair child maintenance with split care and DLA?

[BattyBurg]

Complicated situation regarding child maintenance -

Two children
Oldest lives with his Dad
Youngest is with me for 5 nights per week

Dad - £46,000 per year
Me - £12,000 per year

Youngest - disabled and on high rate DLA for care and mobility. I share the DLA with his Dad (£200 per month)

Oldest - I pay for his phone, dinner money, pocket money, activities and I put an amount into a savings account per month for when he’s older.

What is fair in this situation please? Thanks

I assume you can't work full time because of caring for your child? It's a difficult one as the ex is doing more then 50% of care but not of your disabled child. Have you plugged everything into the cm calculator?

I can only work part time as the rest of the time I’m caring for DS. It’s a complicated one. And the calculator doesn’t give the option for split care.

Presumably you also get child benefit, universal credit etc so your income would be more than 12k pa ?

Yes I do get both UC and CB

Why are you sharing the DLA if dad only has him 2 nights a week?

How much does everything you pay for oldest work out at? Do he ever stay with you, are the CB split with one parent claiming one child.

It seems that this is not serving you well financially? Id have said dad should be paying you for youngest via cms calculator and you pay him (or the equivalent on phone etc) on your own calculation.

You shouldn’t be sharing the DLA 50/50 when you have 5 nights and he has 2. That’s an unfair split.

I’d say your starting point should be to work out what he’d owe you in CMS for your youngest, then what you’d owe him (would be around £7 a week as you are on benefits). Then find an agreeable spot somewhere around the difference if he’s agreeable, if not CMS may be the way to go.

You pay for a things for your oldest - does your ex contribute to the youngest or just take half the DLA?

You keep the DLA because you are the primary parent of the youngest child.

He pays you £349.62 pcm for youngest cm based on him having the eldest and having the youngest 1-2 nights a week

You pay £106 pcm for CM for the eldest based on him not doing any overnights with you.

ETA: SORRY I forgot that's you'd only pay £7 a week if receiving benefits. I did both calculations on the CM calculator but dudbt account for that.

So basically you keep the DLA and he pays you 243.62 PCM.

Honestly, I'd go through CM because figuring it out isn't worth the ball ache. Let them instruct you both.

On carers/ UC the OP wouldn’t pay £106 a month. It would be the standard rate of £7 a week.

My ex took one of my kids (alienation) and I have our other who he doesn’t see. No maintenance to pay from him to me as he doesn’t work, but if he tried to claim against me I’d have to pay because I work! In your case I wouldn’t be sharing the DLA and wouldn’t pay eachother maintenance, but keep paying the phone and dinners etc as your son if you want to contribute. I pay for my alienated child’s dinners as it’s all I can do.

Sorry, I edited after. I did the sums on CM calculator but didn't account for that.

@BattyBurg is already contributing far more than her share. I think maybe overcompensating because she wanted the separation/ divorce.

Do you have your oldest EOW? Or no overnights at all?

No overnights at all.

In your circs I’d keep the full DLA but wouldn’t expect anything else tbh - ie neither of you pay the other any CM. Whether that’s fair or not I’ve no idea but it seems simplest and IMO that’s worth a few extra quid a month. If ex is half decent though I’d get him to agree to contribute towards any major one-off costs for youngest, eg if he needs a new hoist or something like that. If he’s an arsehole and going to make life difficult/hold it over you I wouldn’t bother. If you can get by without him, it’s worth it for a peaceful life IME.

Wouldn't think your ex should be paying you anything in that case, you have two child free days every week, he has none plus two days where he has both children.

Also don't think you should be giving him half of the DLA.

I think you keep the DLA but that’s it, no maintenance on top.

In legal / maintenance terms your ex should be paying you for your youngest and you should be paying him for your oldest. That would result in him owing you each month.

You don’t have shared care of the children in a way that means maintenance isn’t owed (50/50 of each child).

You seem to be taking the hit on three fronts - losing half the DLA (which at very most should be 2/7ths), paying for quite a bit for your eldest, and taking the job hit to care for your youngest.

How has it ended up in the situation of you contributing more financially to his house than him yours when you are the lower earner?

I dont think you should be sharing your sons DLA. My sons DLA goes into my account then is moved into savings, which is then moved out as and when its needed for things relating to his disability.

It doesng sound like his dad is meeting any of his disability costs.

Sounds like the dad has the kids more often than you.. eldest full time and youngest 2 days.

why should you expect money? Does he claim off you for having one full time?

earnings shouldn’t come into it

As you're the primary carer for the child with additional needs I think you keep the DLA. But as he covers 18 of the 28 nights between the two of them I think you'd be wise to say nothing about maintenance. Especially as you do work.