Moving out and selling home

[devicelab]

DH and I have been separated 2 years, still living in family home, children recently left for college.
The house needs a lot of work to get it ready for sale, DH refuses to do any work saying I want to sell so it’s all on me.
I have tried but hit a wall and am overwhelmed by the task and unfairness of only me doing the work.
I feel like he will be difficult every step of the way, has unrealistic target price etc.
So I am thinking of moving out. We are joint owners and jointly responsible for the mortgage. I can just about pay rent at a new flat and my share of the mortgage.
I desperately want to leave, but will I regret it and will it mean the house will never be sold.
He will probably stay put, but it will be expensive for him and he won’t keep the house clean and maintained.
Will I live to regret moving out, or is peace of mind worth it?
Any advice from people who have been through it?

I suppose it really depends on how quickly you think your house will sell. If it’s in a sought after area then it’ll probably sell quickly regardless of the ‘state’ it’s in (this will affect the price though but you already know that). If you’ve seen houses nearby take ages to sell then you might be better off sticking it out. Good luck!

Thank you, it is a very desirable area, but I feel somebody is not going to pay top price to then do a lot of updating. Maybe they will, maybe I need to get an EA round, but DH would never agree to it.

Given what you have said it would be extreme folly to leave the property and somehow assume it will get sold. There are steps you as an individual need to now take to bring the end of the marriage and ownership of the property to a close.

There really isn’t anything you can do about his intransigence and stubbornness. However you are also being unreasonable and avoidant. Examples are wanting him to do the work but not being willing to do it yourself. Expecting ceiling price for a property that needs work. And finally just moving out and expecting something to change.

It’s time to file for divorce and to legally split the assets. That will result in the property being sold. The sale price will have to reflect the condition of the property. If you don’t accept that you are being stubborn and unreasonable.

To achieve what you want is in your hands. You don’t need his cooperation or consent to divorce and to get the house sold. It just makes it easier and cheaper if you have it.

You are not trying to resolve the situation. You are running away from it and that will make it more difficult to resolve especially for you.

i think you need legal advice.
mum not sure about england but i recall my scottish friends husband stopping paying the mortgage and the loan on the static caravan and racking up credit card bills on his credit card.

When it came to splitting the debt/money all his debt was thrown into the mix ie he paid less bills than her but still got half the proceeds from everything.

so if it comes to it, if it’s the same in england, you could in theory do the same.

hes being a prick and trying to put his head in the sand. bet the prick is also badmouthing you to the kids “oh it’s all her fault, shes breaking up the family home bag blah”.

tell him that if he wants to maximise profit the work has to be done. if not youll both lose out on a good sale price. so hes cutting off his nose to spite his face.

if youre prepared to do some of the work too it might seem fairer. eg monday to friday at some point that suits you, both of you separately do an hour a day, him doimg joinery that needs done, you doimg painting.

On the basis that he’s already given very clear indications that he does not want to sell and you need to do everything I would definitely not be moving out !

he has zero desire to sell now and even less once he’s got the place to himself and you’re still laying the mortgage !

where are you actually in the divorce process and financial settlement - you need to get these going and agree formally and legally on the house

Just sell as is, would be worth to get away from the mental anguish,

But don't move out

Personally I’d suggest filing for divorce online (there’s a cooling off period so takes a while) before doing anything, then you can start working on what a settlement looks like - can he keep the house if you get other assets? Can he raise a bigger mortgage to buy you out? If not selling is the answer and you may need a court order if he’s refusing so you need the provisional order to get to that point. It was about 5 months to get the provisional order if I remember correctly

We aren’t married. I should have said in OP. I will speak to a lawyer as it seems the advice is that it would be foolish to move out.

DP then - it makes a big difference!
If he doesn't want to sell you will have to go to court to get an order to sell.

That makes a big difference

so you own as joint tenants ? Or tenants in common ?

you’ll have to go via tolata route to try to force a sale

still don’t move out

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. We are joint tenants.
I know you are right about not moving out but it’s very difficult.
I have been advised about Tolata, I just wondered if I could do it while living elsewhere.

You can do it while living elsewhere. It’s just not advised and removes any incentive for him to even begin to cooperate.

why would he? He’d get the house to himself while you’re helping pay the mortgage

you could of course stop paying your share - but if he then doesn’t pick it up your credit rating will rage a hit

it can be a very lengthy process so you should start sooner rather than wait

I hope that he would realise it is lonely and expensive living in a big house on your own and it would inspire him to sell and move on with his life. At the moment he can pretend to himself and the outside world that we are still together. He is very much a keeping up appearances character. Nobody knows we are separated, except my close family and the children.