Form E help

[Beaniebobbins]

looking for advice for form E. It asks about needs and current lifestyle. But my current lifestyle is a bit shit. I am main earner and main carer. He buys high ticket items without consulting me first using my bank account (£5k on solar panel batteries last year without even telling me first). Does this get taken into account that I am here looking for bargain kids school shoes while he spaffs money away like it grows on trees. I don’t want to have to fund his drinking sessions anymore.
have some advice lined up but looking to see if anyone else has any experience too as informed questions save money with solicitors (see I’m budgeting again).

Stop having a joint account so he can't access your wages, unless you mean your own bank account in which case take the card off him, or ask the bank to change your account/issue new card just for you. Cut off his supply. What is he doing with his wages? You both pay a proportion towards the utilities and mortgage, anything else such as house repairs is discussed but you don't have to pay.

I found this bit of the form particularly stressful but the current lifestyle is two adults and x children living in semi/terraced worth x amount, x holidays, x cars/bikes, with your salary of x, and his of x. That kind of thing.

Future needs depend on who will have the children overnight but he can do that on his form. Yours is needing a place with x bedrooms (remember the court could downsize you by making same sex children share or put you in living room but start off in the basis of one bedroom per person - just letting you know so you don't get shocked later on). If you need to be in a certain location then say it, if your child requires expensive treatments (like wheelchair), or is at a good national level in a sport needing equipment then write it down. If you need a car for your job, or no pt to your job then put it down. Doesn't mean you will get it but the judge needs to see your requirements. It's what you will need to function. Holidays are not part of future needs but pensions are. If you don't have one, or not enough stamps then you need to put down how much you'll need to buy those stamps.

Hopefully that's not too waffle-y.

Thanks @LittleGreenDragons that does help a bit. I did move things after the £5k splurge. I still pay more for utilities than he does though, mainly because he is just such a difficult person.

Early on the process I spoke to a solicitor who basically told me that if he has a certain standard of living he would be expected to maintain that post divorce. Her exact words were “if he’s used to going on fancy holidays to Dubai he can expect to continue going on fancy holidays to Dubai”. I haven’t used that solicitor and am using a different firm but it’s given me so many sleepless nights that he can say that he is used to the nice car and fancy bikes and things and I’d be expected to fund that and carry on driving my old heap of junk. There is a big discrepancy in the way we live and spend, he is out in big drinking sessions which must be costing him and I’m sitting at home with the kids looking for a film that’s free to watch.

he also does as little childcare as he can get away with (kids are in wraparound care when he has non working days) so all the case law on this assumes that the lower earner is doing the childcare but this is not the case. All the things I can find online seem to assume that the lower earner has made career sacrifices to look after the kids, in this case I took a pay cut to be with the kids more but still out earn him.

Times have changed and that lifestyle quote only relates to multimillionaires. If you aren't one of those then you don't need to worry. Spousal support is incredibly rare for normal people even if there is a big difference in wages. Same for not selling the matrimonial home until kids reach 18, it's very rare. Edit, had brain fart - its called a mesher order.

The process starts at 50/50 of ALL assets including pensions. Then it gets tweaked percentage wise in favour of who has the children overnight or if one has had their career/wages/pension impacted by maternity and/or childcare. You can prove you have been impacted.

But ultimately this man is going to screw you over if you stay or leave. At least one way you will have more peace and happiness eventually. Do it sooner rather than later otherwise he might give up his job to take more of the assets. If he did that once the process has started the judge will notice, him doing it before (because you've given him a heads up) will impact you more long term.

Divorce is split into 3 parts. The admin, children, and finances. The admin is very easy and you can do it online via gov.uk, it's a check box application essentially but don't request the final consent (the old decree absolute) until the judge has agreed on the financial split but you can do it up to that part. Financials DO need a solicitor, children could be done via mediation or between yourselves, depending on how bad he is, their ages etc. Good luck

Standards of living are taken into consideration - within the boundaries of yhd pot available and if one party earns high and there are assets and the other doesn’t currently work eg, they won’t be expected to live in min wage in a shed .

but reality to most couples is divorces are based on reasonable needs not wants, assets are split( often favouring lower earner) and clean break preferred

it will also look at needs and housing children and weight is given to this as a priority

Part of my assets are a business that i co-own. Which keeps me awake because if i have to pay him my share of the business then that puts me into debt while he can walk away mortgage free or if I sell my share I can have less debt but also less income. I just don’t know how that would be handled. I can show much less I earn due to having kids though and it is a significant amount.

He does work, but he has early finishes some days and uses that time for himself rather than getting the kids from school.so I pay for childcare while he does his own thing.

I do feel angry about the whole situation, I thought I was just being kind by not asking him for any money for anything. I do have an appointment with a DA charity lined up about emotional abuse and am getting some support but I just feel in such a hopeless situation.

I would query financial abuse too OP with the DA charity. He's spending on big things while you are scrimping for basics for the children.

I was terrified when I left as I thought I would be literally destitute but it turns out I now have more spending money than I ever had during my marriage as I no longer have a H who wastes money. The whole process has been eye opening as I now have more money, more free time and am healthier and happier. Plus my home is clean and tidy on a permanent basis. Be strong OP

If there isn’t going to be spousal support which is unlikely if he earns and you aren’t a millionaire then the living expenses aren’t that relevant in my experience. the court will not dig into the past and will assume you both made an equal contribution or - even if it wasn’t equal - they will say this was accepted by you so shouldn’t alter the starting point of 50:50 in a long marriage. It’s more likely to be in your favour if you’ve made large capital contributions, your earnings will be curtailed by future childcare, you need to live in a larger house or area or have business space in the home etc. There are things that can shift the dial but the past contribution in terms of workload in a marriage won’t have much impact because judges do not want to litigate the marriage- just the separation. Focus on the things a judge will decide - assets, pension, whether maximising income, future contribution and impact etc not on the small stuff. His expensive items are marital assets. So if his car is worth much more then that will be reflected in the schedule. Look up es2 summary of finances form as this is what the judge will be more interested in.