Domestic abuse divorce

[Soconfusedmama]

I left my mentally and financially abusive partner a few months ago. He verbally agreed that if I only took £14k out of the house sale and left him £200k then he would never try and get access to our son unsupervised. But if I didn’t then he would. He is fine meeting him twice a week with our son who’s 1 but only because he’s having exactly what he wants. He is fair with maintenance gives me well over what most get £1k a month, although that’s all I can get due to me owning a holiday home. He says if I take his offer I will have the £30k from holiday home sale and the £15k he’ll give me but I can’t house myself, my two other children 15 & 11 (he had special needs and I receive DLA) for £45,000 I just can’t!
But I know he will go to war with me if I go down the divorce route and our son’s life will always be dreadful stuck in between us. My husband had diagnosed schizoid personality disorder, developmental trauma disorder, porn addiction and depressive disorder and in his report written by a private consultant psychiatrist he told her he doesn’t feel love for our child or attachment, that he works 7 days a week 12 hours a day aswell. I would never dispute my baby being able to see his father but I would always want contact to be supervised which is no guarantee if I go to court. He’s 57 and I’m 36, he was abusive for the whole time I lived with him (3 years) and married for 2. He also got briefly arrested at Christmas due to him contacting a 16 year old for sexual images in return for money. But no picture was found on his phone so police dropped it no charges, but SS had to do an assessment to make sure children were safe. Still not had results yet. I told police he had a history of paying under 18s for sex but they didn’t want to know. I told them he had been doing it for decades (I found all this out once I lived with him) and I don’t feel he’s safe to be around my baby alone. He was sexually abused as a boy by family and I’m worried due to his lack of sexual boundaries and clear need for power that my child would be at risk but I was wondering whether people could advise if I should risk it or not getting divorced and possibly getting some more money to house me and the children and possibly risking him getting so mad he goes for child arrangements legally aswell. I’m so scared the courts don’t protect children like mine.

To add he’s looked after our son once last year while I went for a beauty treatment and our son was crying so much he had to call me back to which I said something wasn’t right and needed the hospital and on the way I noticed he had blisters coming up on his fingers and he had scolded his fingers to which my husband had no idea how this happened he claimed. A&e had to burst them and dress them it was so upsetting and he was angry because I said he must know what happened but he denies he knows still, this was recorded at the hospital

You need to see a solicitor ASAP. Explain all this. They will be the best to advise you. See one that specialises in family law. Might need ss help. Good luck. But divorce and half of everything

Just wanted to say I’m sorry you are going through this. Have you posted before as the age difference rings a bell?
You will get some great practical advice from MN posters with more experience than me.
But just wanted to add you have been targeted by this man. He’s not far off 60, you are young enough to be his daughter and he’s trying to railroad you.
Due to the age difference he is trying to pressure you, and because you are clearly intimidated by him.
Do you have anyone around to offer support? Family, friends or colleagues?

You definitely need proper legal
advice.

you’re son is young and youve only been married a short time so you need to understand what a settlement would like like/ unlikely to be 50% given the short duration and your relative ages, as well as your other children not being his responsibility but the fact you have a child will feature significantly

in regards protecting your son I would not believe what he says about not trying to have unsupervised access if you agree to his offer It’s most likely he wouldn’t stick to that anyway

you should follow correct procedures and bring in the right authorities- cafcass etc.

Time for divorce, and child arrangements order and state supervise access only - this is the only way to do it. Follow correct channels

@DramaQueenlady most likely won’t be 50% with a 2 year marriage and 3 year cohabitation and 2 children who I’m presuming have a different father ?

You do gave to consider that if you've only lived together for 3 years, your marriage will be considered a short one. Were the properties bought during the marriage? From which proceeds?

>> paying under 18s for sex

Awful but not criminal in itself. Police might only be interested if trafficked or under 16.

Please don't take the financial plan with vague hopes he won't go for your son. After it is all agreed he's justified likely to then renege on the agreement to keep controlling you- he knows how to hurt you.
Seek legal advice immediately tell them everything and take what evidence you have, especially of his health and history.