Use amicable/ joint service or instruct own solicitors?

[AriesFairy]

I am applying for divorce from my husband of 17 years, and we will need some financial/ legal advice to help separate our finances for the financial agreement. Our house is our main asset, plus he has more savings than me and a bigger pension.

We are fairly amicable and in communication (we are still both living in the house). We have two children and are aiming for 50/50 custody or as close as possible.

I’d be interested to hear if anyone has experiences of using an amicable-type service, where you use a joint adviser/ solicitor to help you negotiate a settlement? This would be a cheaper option than instructing our own solicitors, but I’m aware they can’t give individual legal advice. Does this make it hard to advocate for yourself?

I think I might find it hard to advocate on my own behalf because my husband feels like I’m trying to take what’s his (eg in relation to his pension), even though it’s a long marriage and the courts will work on the basis of a 50/50 split. I just want a fair division of assets and to be able to support the children and myself in the future (we both work FT but he earns more than I do). I’m leaving him so there’s guilt and upset and I’m wondering how this will affect being able to get what I need out of a settlement. But he is basically fair and wants a fair division of assets too.

I’ve taken a free advice meeting with a solicitor and of course they say you’ve got to each instruct your own solicitor - but is the amicable way worth trying?

I’d be really grateful to hear or any experiences using these services or opinions on which way I should go, thank you.

Have you taken a hit to your earnings / pension due to taking time out to raise children?

I worked ft throughout so we agreed not to touch each others pensions as I hadn’t been disadvantaged

ultimately you dont necessarily need any solicitors and can agree between yourselves if you’re able to discuss calmly and amicably, and if you have a reasonable view of what assets there are. You can both read a lot in terms of principles of division etc and always come from that basis, if both are able to compromise as well then most of it you should be able to agree/ this could save lots of money and emotional animosity which can help future relations ( important for children)

I don’t have experience using joint services as we did ours ourselves via joint d81 so hopefully others will be along

Thanks for your reply 🙏🏼

It doesn’t sound like he’s out for a fair split of sets if he’s already moaning about having to share his pension.

If he agrees that things should be 50/50 then he needs to lay his cards on the table and show you how much he has in savings, pension etc so you know how much 50% is. You need to do the same so you can both be sure that the final result is 50/50 each.

It sounds like he might not be so willing to give you enough to make 50/50. If he was willing to be fair then you wouldn’t need solicitors but it sounds like he might not be so fair after all. It’s difficult as a solicitor will be good as you might not be able to stand up for yourself but obviously the cost can be high.

Absolutely get your own legal advice. That will ensure a fair split. The marriage has ended. You don’t have to bear the financial cost of the guilt you are feeling. That’s a heavy enough burden without also being financially disadvantaged. Been there, paid the price.

Thank you, these are all really helpful replies.

I did keep working full time so I do have a pension, but it’s worth a lot less than his and I earn maybe 65% of what he does - we work in similar fields but he was promoted faster, I did the bulk of childcare and domestic work while the kids were small (ie for a decade) including working compressed hours, not doing trips away from home etc - all of which affected my earning capacity. I think he does want to be fair but then talks about me “going after” his savings or pension which makes me feel like he’ll see me as the aggressor/ being unfair when I just want a fair split. So I’m not sure exactly what I’m entitled to and I guess proper legal advice might be necessary rather than the “amicable” route? (By which I mean the company amicable which offers these supported processes to reaching agreement. I hope we can still be relatively amicable, I guess.)

I am in the final stages of using amicable for my divorce. We went for the cheapest option which doesn’t give advice, they just draft the financial consent order for you. You can get more expensive options where they mediate and give advice.

I paid for an hours call with a solicitor first. This was hugely helpful. I would have gone 50/50 had I not had this but due to our large salary difference (I work FT but in a poorly paid industry) and therefore mortgage capacity I asked for more.

I do sometimes feel there are things I should have pushed for but I just want it over with. This is always the danger. It’s a very common narrative of ‘going after’. Just rise above it and stay focused on it being fair. It sounds like you could have earned the same as him if you didn’t do the bulk of the childcare. Sit down and try to discuss what you both think is fair. If this doesn’t work out, you might need to involve solicitors.

Thank you - getting an hour’s legal advice and then going the amicable route sounds like a good option. I think that’s it - I can advocate for myself once I have a clear sense of what I can ask for, but at the moment I’m not sure what I’m entitled to.

Amicable.
We want to be able to be in the same room at family events such as children, grandchildren parties/weddings etc.
The least stress going forward.