Buying house after seperation

[Mumto21234]

I will be looking to start house hunting soon, after splitting with H last year.
I've never bought a house alone before, and one of my worries is, because I am not in this position through choice, that I wont get that exciting feeling when I start going to view houses, and that all the houses will feel like their lacking, it that makes sense? Like it wont feel like the family home I envisaged.

Has anyone experienced this before, and if so how did you know which house to go ahead with, if they all just felt a bit meh?

im very practical
so i understood what I could afford, what were mandatory things and what were nice to have. For me, I don’t need the wow or immediate gut feeling - because that comes with what you make it and how it feels once you start to make new memories in it

Yeh I am a pretty practical person as well so hoping to go in to it with an open mind. Think its hard when the excitement that you usually have when buying a house isnt there.

I’ve been house hunting after getting an offer on the family home. I’ll be honest it’s been a miserable experience, I have a low budget and the houses I’ve seen are tiny, and some just filthy!
Ive just put an offer on a flat as it was bigger than all the houses I’ve looked at and will hopefully still let me retire at some point. I’m feeling a little sad as it feels like a massive step backwards.

It doesn’t matter how you feel about the split, the house is still your own little piece of the world and you can get excited about that. This house is nowhere near as big or in as nice an area but it’s all mine and I’ve really enjoyed decorating it. As soon as I saw it I could see myself here, even though the decor was BAD!

Good luck!

I am doing the same thing, if it helps. I feel it’ll be an adjustment, but hopefully it’ll bring peace. Best of luck

I'm about to buy the cheapest doer-upper in the area and it will see me paying my mortgage right up to retirement age. I'll only be able to afford it with a lodger as I'll still need to support stbx post separation. I'm still thrilled and can't wait. Because it'll be so much better than how things are now.

I took my best friend. I told her not to let me buy the first house I saw. I am relocating and wanted to go and see a new build estate so we went to check out the riverside park behind the estate, and I fell in love with the location. I was imagining the lovely river walks when WFH. I had already investigated how far from new office etc, so when we walked into the sales off I knew I was going to buy. My friend was equally as excited and even though its been 3wks now, that excitement hasn’t died down. It is daunting making choices alone, but a trusted friend helps a lot. Good luck.

You need to visualise your new single life in the new place the same as you visualised family life when you were a couple. What do you like? Walking? Gardening? Reading? You can please yourself now and even on a tight budget there are choices you can make.

Post divorce I have bought a modern house in a town as I like to walk everywhere. It’s lovely to be able to decorate and furnish slowly and get the place exactly how you like it.

Lolz my mortgage currently goes to 75!

For me it was whether it was suitable for the cats, me I came after that. I don't think i got the wow feeling about my flat.

For me it was did it tick 3 boxes

1. can I afford it
2. is it safe for the cats and does it have a garden
3. is it easy to get to work/the motorway

The rest I can change.

I saw two really nice new builds but they weren't close to any shops or the motorway that I used to get to work,neither had a garden either so completely unsuitable for cats and sun and garden loving me.

I had a lodger for a few years so it never really felt properly like mine. When they moved out I started making it mine.

Ouch. I thought 68 was bad enough. I've never known anyone in my profession work past 61 so I thought I was having a raw deal. You're a toughie!

I am moving in 4 weeks, mid-divorce and I am excited about it now! But when I first offered on the house I wasn't excited about the property at all which worried me for a few weeks. On paper it was just what I need, right number of bedrooms, enough space, good school, good location, not needing too much done too it, just updating the decor to personal tastes but I didn't feel excited about it. I was massively relieved that I am moving on though and over the last 4 weeks that's changed to excitement about the house as well.

I'll add that I had an odd situation that STBEXH in that we have been living together since he came out last April after admitting to having sex with a random man he found online. Turns out he'd always suspected he was gay but decided to date and marry me instead. I have been dying to move out to my own space but we have young children and when we made the decision to keep living together I honestly never thought it wouldn't go on this long, but out joint home just isn't selling so he has agreed to buy me out.

Ha, and yes, its safe for my cats too, a very important thing!!! No catflap, so they are going to be very put out till I get round to getting one fitted and have to rely on me opening and closing the door for them.

Thanks everyone, this gives me hope for when im in a position to buy!

Cats are not compulsory but yes, mine is the perfect housemate. Quiet and beautiful and no bother. It was a highlight to bring him in to my new home.

I’m not planning on working till I’m 75….

the state retirement age is 67-68 so you’re just average. What on earth profession do you work in?

Primary school teacher -most colleagues phase out in one way or another approaching 60 as it's quite physical, some hang in there in education but don't tend to be class based teachers anymore.

I got a mortgage that will be paid off at 65. In reality I just thought I would downsize when the DC left home and retire earlier than that.
People retire at about 62 in my organisation and that sounds about right. Youngest DC will be 26 then so hopefully will have moved out.

Yes, my plan is either inheritance or, more likely, moving further out of London and getting a cheaper house!

I’ve just sale agreed and I thought I wouldn’t be excited about house hunting either. I sat down before I went looking and wrote down the things I absolutely wanted and the things I would be willing to compromise on - that was really helpful when things got emotional or when I got emotionally invested in a house. I have now sale agreed on the perfect house for me, I’m really excited about starting over in a house that has no memories of him and only the future to look forward to