Dating after divorce

[Losthusbandstbx]

Can any of you lovely ladies help me. I went on a date with a woman a month ago, we hit it off, she has rebuilt her life after her ex cheated and left her with 2 young kids. She was clearly emotionally exhausted tonight but she still cooked for me. But talking about where we are heading, she’d had a little glass of wine and admitted she’s nervous but will let the “right man” in we were supposed to go on another date out tomorrow and she was just off, no kisses or cuddles this time just days she was tired etc but when I pressed her little she said no to me staying over, alluded to not feeling an instant spark despite me feeling one, I think I self sabotaged it by putting my walls up, we were both tired, and agreed to see how she feels tomorrow but I don’t know if that she’s scared of being hurt again and holding back or she’s holding due to lack of spark, she’s been really lovely and given me a chance but I just said it’s best I leave as she was clearly exhausted. She’s not messaged me goodnight, despite me saying I’m home etc. I think I’ve pushed a bit too much and scared her off. She says I’m lovely and kind but don’t challenge her and I’m a bit agreeable but after 4 weeks we’ve not seen each other much plus I don’t feel like I need to challenge her as we got on so well.

I’m just devastated as I really liked her, she was my type on paper, natural beauty minimal make up my perfect little plain Jane. I know a month is nothing in terms of figuring out somebody but I can’t shift the feeling she doesn’t feel that same butterflies feeling or think about me as much as I think about her.

i knew from the second date this is someone who likes me and i like her. It’s such a hard feeling being a man and being told you’re too nice, as her ex was the total opposite all I can do now is give her time and space and hope she comes back. But I’m absolutely gutted I even shed some tears on the way home. She’s wanting to go very slow but I’m maybe a little further ahead. I don’t know. Have any of you lovely woman experienced this. For context I’m 39m she’s 36f

im struggling to not feel my heart hurting

it’s so hard dating again after a 17 year relationship already without more rejections it’s stings like a MF

I think you (1) need to avoid using the term plain Jane (I don't think you intended it in a bad way but it's generally not used as a compliment) (2) need to chill out - big time. Desperation is not a good look and what you are surely looking for is the right person for you, not just any person even if they are unsure of you. Finally, unclear from your post how many times you have seen each other, but maybe just in general don't put any pressure on physical intimacy or staying over etc.

Try to enjoy dating again and put yourself out there a bit more than just this one woman who doesn't seem that keen. If you date more the right one will come.

I also wouldn't be the one suggesting intimacy and certainly not staying the night (why did you think that was a good idea???).

Respect her boundaries.

Sorry no offence intended I just prefer a natural beauty over someone who goes all out with makeup, nails, hair, fake white teeth. It wasn’t intended to be perceived as a jibe.

this is true. I guess I need to move on. It’s just hard when you’re the only one who feels it and they half way pretend or they try. Idk I’m just assuming I’ve lost this one. It’ll take me a while to date again so I go open minded and healthier after such a let down.

Natural beauty is lovely - you can use that, just not plain Jane (look up the meaning).

All will be well. The right one is out there for you and worth looking for. If you start enjoying dating that in itself is attractive and you might actually have some fun.

Don't chase by the way if she has made it clear she's unsure. You do deserve better than unsure and it's not good for the self esteem to pursue people who have checked out

It is unusual to develop such deep feelings so quickly. Do you feel ready to date? And have you considered any post divorce counselling?

Im not sure if she’s checked out yet. I’ve never chased or appeared desperate, I’ve been cool as a cucumber since the beginning it was just tonight she completely blindsided me. I’m not chasing her or going to message I just said if she feels better/tomorrow less tired to let me know and ended the message very calmly so the balls in her court for now. So I guess I’ll find out soon. It’s just hard work dating I don’t enjoy that initial meeting etc. I prefer stability and instant connection and I like to move faster and if they feel the same they do too. But she’s had a shit marriage and I get her mentality on that and going slow.

Yeah I’ve had a lot. I just hate being alone. I love sharing my time with a woman but obviously one that actually likes me lol

You will find someone great but take your time

You're way too pushy. And crying after a second date?! Good grief. Please leave this woman alone now, she will make contact if she wants to. And you do seem desperate, you want an instant connection and to move fast? Sounds like you're trying to latch onto the first woman who gives you an ounce of opportunity.

Try to work on yourself and your life so you can genuinely change the statement "I just hate being alone" to "I don't mind at all being on my own". Gym, friends, family, travel, home renovation, you name it. Make a life you love living and the right person will come. Because if you do hate being alone desperate vibes will come through I promise you, even if you don't think it shows.