NC with other parent - should I get in contact re: this

[FloydPink]

Ok, so have been NC with other parent since start of 2025. Basically she is a bit of a bully, narcissist and abusive and I just dont want to deal with it. As we live close to each other and kids are old and mature enough (teens) to deal with limited comms like holiday plans, its been fine.

But recently my DD has been saying how she prefers it here, what age legally can she spend more time at one parents (mine) , how they are always argue and she doesnt like it - we have 50/50. Most of this is teen moodiness. Those two clash and argue a lot, probably because of personality and because ex has to be right all the time.

I have no time for ex, and I do think she is quite controlling and a bit strict, but thats her choice when she has the kids. I know though that I am probably a little too lenient on things.

Ideally, of course I would love my DD more than 50/50 but thats not fair and right and both parents IMO should play equal roles. Torn whether to :

a) ignore it - not my problem and a lot is just a teen who prefers getting more of her own way here (like she has a later curfew here etc). Also if DD finds out I have 'snitched' it will break some trust between us

b) unblock temporarily to explain the situation without making judgement just so she is aware of the facts and can do what she likes with it (ignore or change something). I know I would like that if roles were reversed

They're teenagers, they can just come and go between the houses as often as they want. Any court ordered contact arrangements aren't enforceable at their ages.

Definitely this. I suspect there will be issues at yours soon. Not because of anything either of you are doing but because adults irritate the hell out of teenagers.

They're teenagers, they can just come and go between the houses as often as they want. Any court ordered contact arrangements aren't enforceable at their ages
Not forcibly true. They have been one instance last year when a 15 year old insisted on moving with his dad. It was a very long standing battle. The last court proceeding was the yo NG person filing for themselves. The judge still order for their mum to 50% care as they considered spending more time with their dad was not in their best interest.

A rare outcome, maybe but it does happen.

OP, I would stick to your first option. I would only consider their request if there was evidence of abuse, including emotional abuse.

Ok, well I can't imagine the judge personally chauffeuring them, so forcing court doesn't seem like a great idea.

Your role here is to guide your daughter in how she manages her relationships with other people. That includes her mother. It is also your role to help her resolve whatever dissonance makes her prefer one home over the other. Her reasoning might not be totally in her best interests. Even you admit that you are too lenient and this could impact on her negatively. It is good for teens to have defined boundaries.

The lesson here is not a pick dance with a teen pulling the strings. It is about teaching your daughter the significance of what her actions will mean. And you should be helping her not to engage in conflict with her mother.