Going to court for a financial settlement

[iwishihadtaught]

For those who went to court for a financial settlement, was it worth it and did it make a big difference?

What I’m curious about is this: I assume both parties usually have solicitors, and those solicitors try to work things out within reasonable boundaries. In what situations do couples still end up going to court?

In my case my exh just wouldn't agree to anything, and was obstructive throughout the two and a half years he dragged the divorce out for. By going to court, I ended up over £600,000 better off. It was worth the costs of court!

If you can't agree, you go 3 times. You don't have to have a solicitor. You can do it yourself. The first time is to find out what the sticking points are. The second time the judge gives you an idea of what an outcome might look like and it's your last chance to agree between you. The third time the judge makes the decision and that's it.

My ex wanted me to keep his name on the mortgage (I think it's called a mesher order or something) then I would have to go 50/50 with the equity in about 16 years when the youngest dc reached 18.
Yes I then got a lawyer and agreed 50/50 equity on the value of the property at that time.
Thank goodness I unravelled myself from him financially, he was hopeless with money.

He never paid his maintenance he was so pissed off and eventually his business went under because he didn't have the sense to run it without me.

My ex was abusive and thought I shouldn't have anything, so he dragged the divorce through the Court system against his solicitor's advice.

He ended up self repping as despite changing solicitors, they also told him what he didn't want to hear. He should have listened to them. I got everything bar £20k which went straight to his original solicitors as they were threatening him with bankruptcy for non payment of their fees.

Your STBX is not obliged to take the advice of his solicitor and can instruct them to be combative if that is his nature and/or wish. Are you expecting him to be difficult?

Ultimately it depends on your situation and the areas of contention

court in itself won’t bring a more favourable settlement just from the fact its court / and even during fdr and fdh a judge will be guiding and trying to get both parties to negotiate and reach agreement.

sometimes it is however , the only way to get one party to the table if they’ve refused or reach agreement based on principles of legal fairness (( rather than moral ones etc)

eg if you’ve been married 30 years and ex is saying you get 0% then going to court will put short shrift to that. Equally if you’ve been married 2 years and expect 90% of ex assets previously owned prior to marriage then you’re likely to be given short shrift.

if you’re only a small way in terms of agreeing - ie proposal is 50:50 and one party is trying to get55% that might not be worth a court either

unsync

very sorry you went through that but I really loved hearing how he fucked it up and ended up with fuck all 😊

My now DH ended up going to court with his ex. After 7 years apart and the children being with their dad (and then us) 60% of the time, she was still living in the family home with no financial contribution, he was paying for everything, she refused to work at all and refused to engage in any informal discussion or mediation. By this point we had babies of our own and were carting them around various rental properties because we couldn’t buy a place of our own.

It went to court, the property had to be sold, he got 40% and she got 60%. The judge refused to award her any spousal maintenance on the basis that she can and should work.

Glad I found this.

STBXH is refusing to engage with divorce and I keep having to pay for process servers. Have second financial court hearing pending. At the first he had done zero prep, the judge got very pissed off with him and ordered he pay 2k to cover my barrister's fees 😀

I went straight to court for a financial hearing. I knew that my ex would simply disagree with every suggestion I made and so instead of spending £7k and 2 years going backwards and forwards with solicitors letters I just represented myself and went straight to court to let the judge decide. The judge was fair. My ex would never have been.

I have an FDR hearing next month. We had got to the stage of an agreement in principle and joint solicitors drafting a consent order before STBEX withdrew with no financial change in circumstances. He got cold feet and thinks the court will privilege his future hypothetical needs and he will get a better deal. It’s all so unnecessary and a great expense to the court system for a marginal outcome for him. The best possible 50:50 outcome for him would only result in an extra 1-2K a year for him in retirement past the age of 74 and would mean no clean break. The court is very unlikely to recommend this.

But he is abusive and needs to be told by the court what is fair and reasonable before he will accept it. He also knows that I am NPA for shared pension scheme and his delay doesn’t cost him but costs me lost income of £1k per month. Our shared DC are propping me up financially in the meantime through benefits and student loan but he is OK with this despite being a higher rate tax payer. What a guy!

My bff, had massive legal bills, as her xh chose to refuse all & every reasonable proposition. Lied, hid assets, lived in the marital home fir 2 yrs (she had paid off the mortgage with her inheritance…) & so, so much more. He is a vile abusive narc. & it really did not impress the judge.
She ended up with 600k he got 200k.
foolish bully

Some solicitors will genuinely wish the most cost effective, least stressful outcome for their clients. Those often suggest mediation.

Others will see their clients coming with pound signs in their eyes and will encourage the conflict under the auspice of getting you what you deserve when in the end, the only winner will be them.

It’s not just solicitors though. More people (including me and STBEX) are self representing. Mediation is compulsory before going to court but mediators are not solicitors and the poorly informed but entitled can go to court with very poor understanding. Which impacts on judicial process.

I tried Mediation waste of time for example Mediator insisted that a inheritance could not be counted or considered but FDA judge said it should be taken him into Account

My STBX wanted to go through mediation, but I said no pretty firmly and decided to go with a solicitor instead. My solicitor told me that mediators aren’t lawyers and often don’t have strong legal knowledge, so couples can actually end up spending more time and money in the long run.

I think mediation can work if both sides are already being reasonable and on the same page. But in my case, I already knew my STBX’s proposal (which he drafted with ChatGPT) wasn’t fair at all.

From the start, my solicitor made it clear she wouldn’t allow anything unreasonable or unlawful from either side. Her focus is just to make things fair and something the court can approve without issues. She pointed out a few things in his proposal that were quite outrageous, and the maintenance he offered was definitely too low.

I’m honestly really glad I have a solicitor now because I can properly voice my concerns and feel more protected.

She did say the goal is to avoid going to court, which I agree with. But if my STBX doesn’t agree or keeps being unreasonable, then I guess court might be the next step.

I just feel like if my solicitor is putting forward something based on proper legal guidelines, his solicitor should be able to see that too… so I don’t really understand on what grounds they’d reject it.

Because your solicitor is working is working to maximise your outcome. His solicitor will do the same for your ex. Both can be based on principles of legal fairness but won’t be the same. There needs to be areas of compromise on both sides in order to avoid court. What are you prepared to negotiate and compromise on?

maintenance , presuming child maintenance, will be dealt with my cms so no point fighting over that with your solicitor back and forth as you’ll be wasting money

I refused mediation initially too - because my ex-H was trying to pressurise me into accepting a very bad deal (less than 50%). I've been a SAHM for over 20yrs, and he earns a large salary.
I got a solicitor, and we made an offer. He got himself a v aggressive solicitor - which left us nowhere near agreement.
He then asked for a private FDR and made an application to court - with a charming solicitor's letter that said "it seems the wife will need judicial input to dispossess her of her unreasonable expectations as to the final settlement" and that he would "strongly argue his case in court." It all felt very threatening.
The private FDR hearing cost me £2,400 - plus my barrister's fees (about £4,500) - and the Judge indicated that my needs were not unreasonable, and gave an indication that awarded me over 50% of assets plus spousal & child maintenance. He also extended child maintenance until my youngest had finished her University education.
A private FDR is not binding - so I feared he'd argue and refuse the Judge's indication and drag me through the full court process - which would cost ££££ but he saw sense thankfully, and we made an agreement then and there. It was a v good outcome for me.

Good on you for handling it that way — seriously, well done. My STBX is doing something similar. He made a low offer, which I expected. I didn’t argue, just told him that if it’s lawful and in line with family law, I’d accept — but I need proper legal advice before agreeing to anything.

I’ve now got a solicitor, and she’s already flagged a few concerns. I really hope we can avoid going to court — he says the same — but at the same time, I’m not afraid of it. I’d represent myself if it came to that.

Part of me actually wants my day in court, just to have my voice heard. I went through a really difficult situation that seriously affected my mental health, and it took a lot of courage to leave. Now he’s unhappy because I’m no longer serving his needs, and he’s already moved on with a girlfriend while divorcing me.

I guess a part of me feels like I want to stand up, tell my side properly, and see some sense of fairness in all of this.

With respect, you won’t get to do that in court and even if you did no one cares and it wouldn’t effect your settlement

all you’ll do is spend money not negotiating and reaching agreement while holding onto that because you want your voice heard

you should be taking guidance, with a range of outcomes and points to negotiate and then do so otherwise you’ll both end up spending ££ wasting the money

I must admit - stressful as the process was (I was at the end of my tether around Christmas time) - I do feel I got "my day in court" in the private FDR. I didn't have to say a word - you have a Barrister to do all the talking - I know you can represent yourself, but if it's acrimonious, I would strongly recommend a good Barrister because they really know their stuff.

I was very lucky with my legal team. My solicitor and Barrister were on my side throughout, and I seriously couldn't have managed without them - I felt so ground-down by my ex-H. It felt good to have a Judge come down on my side, after ex had sent so many barbed solicitor letters implying I was being unreasonable and that the Judge would "take a red pen to my demands." Judge didn't! And specifically wrote in the indication that he wouldn't as in his opinion my needs were reasonable.

It would depend on what assets you're arguing about - we had a pot (including his massive pensions) of about £2M so the costs incurred for the solicitor and the pFDR/Barrister were worth it for me.

FDR Judge was v clear that if we went through the whole court process, we would probably spend the money we were arguing about on legal fees - and thank god ex listened and we agreed at the first stage. My Barrister did tell me afterwards she feared he might take it further out of spite - kind of "I'll spend it all on lawyers rather than give it her!" but thankfully not.

I can't stress this enough - get a solicitor who you feel is good, knowledgeable and on your side. I spoke to a few, and some were really blunt, just firing questions. The one I went with made me feel listened to and looked after. Legal fees mount up quickly though - I spent about £14,500 on solicitor's fees since Jan 25 and about £7,000 on the private FDR. I gained far more in the settlement, so more than worth it for me.

Good luck and keep your wits about you! Get the Form E done & exchanged if you haven't yet, and then do a spreadsheet of all the assets - house value/equity, savings, pensions, cars and so on - so you know the exact figures you're arguing about. You don't want to fall into the trap of spending more on legal fees than you gain in a settlement.