Divorce with solicitor

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My husband has decided to leave, and I now have a solicitor representing me.

It is just beginning but he is already not very happy. is it better to continue speaking to your ex directly about negotiations, or should all communication go through the solicitor?

Go through the solicitor if you think that the process will be anything less than fair and amicable in every way. You will need one in the end for a financial settlement in all likelihood anyway.

I disagree with the above

having a solicitor doesn’t mean you can’t still talk and negotiate with your ex directly. A good solicitor will advise this. It can save amounts of time, stress and money if you’re able to reach agreement between you under guidance of what a legally fair deal looks like

that’s not always possible of course if ex is violent etc but in most divorces it is

Putting all communications through a solicitor is a good way to rack up legal fees, quickly.

If the content of communication from the other side is a series of general moans and perceived injustices you don’t need to pay a solicitor to write a response to this, you either ignore it or pen a polite rebuttal yourself for the record in response. Have a sensible friend review it if necessary for tone and clarity.

The same applies equally to reasonable requests around logistics, property etc. If you’re perfectly happy to agree to a request, there’s no value in a solicitor being involved.

Remember that ultimately only a court can enforce financial or child arrangements, anything else agreed between parties outside of this is essentially voluntary anyway.

Definitely do seek advice from a solicitor but try to be selective, especially around miscellaneous correspondence. If you pick the right solicitor who is happy to advise you on a piecemeal basis, you could perhaps have an hour of their time once a month to peruse any correspondence and offer any advice verbally.

None of this removes the need for legal advice when drafting orders etc, which will need to be a fair reflection of your legal rights in order for the court to approve them.

That’s the fair and amicable bit. If you think it will be then negotiate directly. If he is even mad you have a solicitor then alarm bells are ringing.

The less confrontational your divorce is the better it is for both of you. A well briefed solicitor should work on that principle and can help to steer you away from needless confrontation and unreasonable behaviour and positions. Appointing a solicitor to act for you should be a neutral act. Indeed it is beneficial to be guided by legal expertise rather than what you think it right and fair.

However most people cannot afford to pay a solicitor to do everything. And most people do not need a solicitor to do everything. At the start of the process it is useful to get a grounded understanding of what divorce can and cannot achieve legally. A divorce won’t give you closure on someone’s failures as a spouse. It is about untangling your finances and leaving you both equal.

If you have fairly straightforward finances, and you have a joint awareness of what you earn, savings, pensions and debt, then you shouldn’t pay solicitors money to reestablish these facts. Go through mediation to get the full picture of your finances agreed. Or even do it yourselves. The same applies to working out your future income and costs. Income is maximised and costs are minimised.

Some people have complicated finances and that requires more expert intervention. Some people are difficult to deal with anyway and this is heightened by the stress of a divorce. They are better off having solicitors to act more objectively for them and to guide them into reasonable positions.

A divorce is stressful and this triggers confrontation from otherwise reasonable people. You should try to not react. A response to his anger about you appointing a solicitor should be that it is your choice and you will pay for it. He can decide to not use one but eventually he will need to get legal advice.

I have found the opposite my exes solicitor is really winding me up so if you can have a sensible conversation with your ex that is way better and way cheaper my ex has racked up be 18 K bill In eight weeksbecause he does not want to speak to me directly