Another one on finances - 50/50 costs v 50/50 assets

[Fiftyfiftyfairness]

We split a few months ago. I’m in the house with DD. He’s staying rent free with a friend nearby. Current plan is to sell the house in 2 years when she’s through A levels.

We have agreed to split everything 50/50 - and he is reliably giving me half of all our house/child costs at the moment - but half of costs isn’t half of assets.

He earns a fair amount more than me - I don’t know exactly how much, but it includes bonuses and shares.

He will be renting a flat so will have that cost for the two years. (He’s said he’ll not be able to give me as much once he’s renting).
Plus, he did pay off a some debt for me when we first got together 25 years ago.

If we use a service like Amicable, will they help us work everything out? I did speak to a pretty tough solicitor, but do I go down that route given the potential costs?

He won’t be expected to pay half your living costs if he’s renting elsewhere

you need to understand your overall assets and debts and then look at what 50% is. If that provides for both parties needs that’s generally what will be agreed. If it doesn’t you need to look at other factors - ages/earnings: minor children etc to see if a deviation can be justified

if you and ex are able to talk and agree between you you’ll save a lot of costs

There is money that could be used to pay his rent.

Your question is unclear? Quite clearly 50% of costs (what costs) don’t equate to 50% of assets.

What are you asking and what do you want to achieve?

A couple of things you need to bear in mind. The house is jointly owned until a divorce says otherwise. At the moment you are occupying 100% of the house and he is paying 50% of the cost of that benefit. He is also funding his own accommodation and generally renting costs more than a mortgage. He may not even have a comparable home.

Unless this is instead of child support and you would be entitled to child support you are getting a pretty good deal. Most people in your situation would be responsible for 100% of their living costs and child support. You aren’t together anymore and it is on you to fund your preferred lifestyle. A divorce would split the assets and make you equal but you have chosen not to do that.

If you want to revisit ther decision to defer the divorce and a house sale you can. That would make you financially independent. At the moment you have higher living costs and that could mean you need a larger % of assets. When your daughter is 18 your living costs will be lower. A 50% share of the assets may or may not meet your needs.

@LemonTT - I know it's good that he's paying for half of the mortgage, bills +DC costs now. He's not paying any rent at the moment. We had agreed not to sell the family house until DD was through A levels - so that means he's on the mortgage and we have all the associated costs to meet.

He earns a significant amount more than me - his package includes a bonus and shares. Will that affect what proportion I get of the rest of the assets - ie since he'll have a higher income will I get more than 50% of the rest?

I'm just trying to make sure I don't lose out.

Not necessarily
it depends on both your needs - in 2 years that’s a 1 bed each , and what assets there are. If you can house yourself using your 50% of assets ( inc equity, pensions, savings etc) that could be what’s awarded, unless you reach another split and he agrees.

What’s the income disparity ? ( bonus and shares are not guaranteed)

once he has his place to rent he shouldn’t be expected to continue to pay fir half the expenses in your home ( the fmh). You should pick up 💯 of those - again unless he agrees to help. Which is why it’s common for couples to continue to live together while divorcing to avoid additional
housing costs

Op, if your dd is currently in gcses, is it not better to try to resolve this once those are over with rather than wait another 2 years. At 16 she will be able to cope with change. Or are you planning to move to a new area once she goes to uni?

He will be paying rent and he needs his own place to live. That might mean he can’t afford to keep to his agreement to fund you in the family home. He has told you this and is still willing to contribute. He really isn’t obligated to keep to the agreement either partially or all together.

Without a divorce or court ordered separation agreement you don’t have a lot of leverage here. He can be compelled to pay child support and you could push his liability towards the mortgage (but he can leave you with that cost if his nerve holds).

There isn’t enough information to say whether you would get a bigger share of assets. Most divorces are needs cases. If your needs are not by 50% you can make a case for more.

Surely he has to keep paying the mortgage if his name is on it??

Anyway I don’t know how much he earns. When he got the job 5 years ago the whole package was £30k more than my salary.

He also been talking about taking DD to America in the summer - so doesn’t sound like he’s skint. I really have cut back since we split.

No he absolutely doesn’t need to keep paying the mortgage - it’s joint and several so you’re both liable for 100% of it. If he’s paying rent elsewhere it’s unreasonable to expect him to still pay as he’ll have his own Costa’s elsewhere.

he may agree to some contribution but not necessarily all of what he has currently been paying especially if you’re expecting cms too

30k extra package is most likely not a high enough difference to warrant material deviation from 50:50 but will depend on the assets and values

the closer your children are to the age of 18 when you split, the closer to 50/50 the split will be.

Technically no. It would impact his credit score if it wasn't paid of course but I don't think he can be forced to pay without some sort of court order.

I'm still not understanding what you mean when you say 50% of costs isn't 50% assets tbh. You need to work out what the equity on the house is, what's in any savings or joint accounts (including those in individual names), pension pots, and perhaps the value of the shares although that might be more difficult. His bonuses aren't guaranteed income I'm assuming.

Work out what you have when you split all that in half, then work out what you need to be able to afford another property. Until your child is 18 you would need to be able to house them, after they're 18 they're not factored in as a responsibility anymore unless they have disabilities and require you as a carer.

I would actually say you have a stronger case if you get the house sold now vs when she is 18. Also look into universal credit and see if you are eligible to top up your income with that in the meantime

We split a few months ago…..
Were you married?

Whilst he is on the mortgage it seems reasonable that he is paying half of it and also money for your DD as she is under 18. In 2 years time when you sell it’s fair that you both get 50/50 of the equity but I’m not sure what else you want? Any future bonus he receives would be his money and his alone surely

@Coconutter24 not if he now has to pay rent elsewhere and op gets sole benefit of use of the asset it’s not reasonable to expect him to pay.

it simply may also just not be possible pay half mortgage and cms and rent ….

Whilst he is currently rent free it’s not unreasonable that he pays 50/50 of the mortgage. Maybe he wants to pay it so OP doesn’t try claim she deserves more from the sale because she has been paying it alone for 2 years so he may want to protect his share of equity

Are you married?
How much equity is in the house?
Do you work full time?
Could you afford to buy him out?

All these are important pieces of information that will affect whatever financial outcomes are agreed.

@Coconutter24 yes i agree but op says he’s going to rent a flat . At which point his contributions to family home should reduce. And op paying the mortgage for 2 years will not impact her equity share at all

Oh and I’m assuming they’re married

Even if he does rent a flat he still has a legal obligation to the lender, it doesn’t matter he isn’t living there he still has a contract. Which is why most couples that split sell the home because they have to finance another home for themselves. We don’t know how they split the mortgage when they were together they may of split equally or percentage wise based on earnings however the best thing to do to protect his assets is to still contribute for as long as the mortgage has both of their names

the mortgage is held as joint and several - so he absolutely does not have to pay.

of course if op then doesn’t and they default then they impacts them both. But legally he does not have to pay . and without knowing his income none of us can say if he even has the ability to pay rent and bills on his own flat plus the fmh plus cms/ most people do not which is why they live together until things are agreed,

op is not reasonable to expect to live their without upping her own contributions / again we don’t know if that is possible,

Yes married
Hopefully about £700k
I work full time
Can’t afford to buy him out

I agree with a previous post that you should get on with selling after GCSEs. The benefits will be that your Dd is still classed as a child, less opportunity for him to decide to stop paying towards mortgage etc, you will have a clearer idea of your financial position going forwards rather than waiting and being in limbo two more years.

Depending on where you live, you could have enough equity for both of you to buy your own properties to house yourself and DD. For peace of mind, that’s what I’d be looking at doing.

OP: the issue is that once your child turns 18 they won’t be a dependent for the purposes of a divorce. Your housing needs will be that of a single adult. Which start at a one bed flat. That being the case a 50% share of £700k could be sufficient to meet housing needs in most locations even London.

The immediate issue for you is that he is going to reduce his contribution to your household. I’d say he will continue to pay part of the mortgage but not bills. He could go further and just provide child support leaving you to fund your housing costs from that.

Many people in his position would expect you to pay the full mortgage. If he refuses to contribute what are you going to do? You can call his bluff, pay it all or not pay as well.

The reason we are raising these points is because it’s not unknown for exs to progressively roll back from initial commitments to fund half of everything. There often isn’t anything you can do about it.