How do you know when it's over?

[SilverDoublet]

Lately me and OH have been having a lot of arguments, mostly instigated by him blaming me about things. We have had a lot of upheaval with my job, house move and general change.
Every argument seems to come to a head with him roaring abusive names at me, f'in c, b* etc. I dont shout abusive names at him though. I believed every one of these big decisions was made mutually after a lot of discussion, but apparently not, now he says it was me 'convincing him'. Everytime he falls into all this abusive name calling, all I can think of is divorce, to get the f away from him. Other times he is perfectly nice. One of the recent arguments involved him roaring 'shut up' for 5 minutes in my face, to prevent me from explaining my point of view.
When is enough enough. I can't get him to listen civilly to my point of view. Should we just call it a day?

Its easier said than done
I've just pulled the trigger and now I need to follow through. I'm finding the fear of the unknown and the future and the guilt if hurting him and the kids hard to bare. I've really tried to make things better but he doesn't hear me. He's defensive and argumentative. Everything I address suddenly becomes what I'd did to him. We brush along on the day to day alright but the simplest thing can turn into an argument. I've asked him not to shout, bang and gesticulate. He's 6 ft. I'm only 5 4". I find it intimidating. I don't want to raise anything because of the reactions. Anyway, I feel unsafe and I make myself smallers. I shut down.

I've been unhappy for over 7 years so I'm not ending things wolly nilly.

I hope you are OK. It's no way to live, feel unsafe. What will your first steps be.

I have no idea. I don't know what I'm meant to do or in what order. I'm sure I need to infom people and transfer things like utilities into my name alone. We haven't talked about it. I don't have the energy for the drama that the conversations will bring. I'm just trying to maintain calm for the kids. It hard after so long together to not talk about things.

Honestly, I would have stayed if he could control anger, made an effort to learn how to communicate respectfully and be a better team player. He's blaming me for the divorce but not taking any responsibility for his behaviour. 🤷‍♀️

What are your next steps?

shouting at you and calling you names is abuse op. That should be a line that once crossed means the end. I had to leave my ex who I loved so much because despite being lovely and normal most of the time would randomly do this.

but even without the abuse you say you can’t get him to listen to your point of view. This means he doesn’t care about you or respect you. So it’s already over op. You are not in an equal relationship

I am sorry. I have been there and lost a lot. It is such a disappointment when someone we love treats us this way. In fact when any human thinks it’s ok to treat another human this way. They lie to themselves and make excuses as to why it’s your fault.

good luck for a future free from name calling.