Dealing with the emotional fallout of divorce

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I'm in the early stages. Husband who I've been with for half my life has just left a few days ago and I feel like I'm grieving. I keep crying and I can't eat. I'm working through the practical issues but how do I deal with the grief? Right now it feels impossible that I will be able to move on.
I don't have family in this country but I do have good friends. Ex has gone to stay at his mum's and we are keeping things amicable. I'm as sure as I can be that there is no other woman. It almost makes it harder to understand.
I've got a few days off work thankfully but soon I'll have to cope with work and actually interacting with people while it feels like my life has ended.

I would love to hear from anyone further down the line.

It gets easier. Just go gentle on yourself. Get signed off it you need it for a bit.

I refer to that stage of my life as the "Dressing gown and snot" phase. I was literally a gibbering wreck. I read a lot on here about how he wasn't my friend etc but at the time I couldn't see it. However, as MN advised me, once the gut punch has passed and I started to wash feel a little more human, I started to find my anger (affair and his behaviour) and got my shit together. It took a long time to get over it, some days I'm still so pissed off and it's been years. But bit by bit it gets better and one day you realise you haven't thought about him or the situation all day, or all week and eventually you can even remember the happy times.
Try and eat, lots of fluids that aren't alcohol (bitter experience - if you do drink, DO NOT TEXT) and just keep going.

Give yourself time OP. Practise self-care. You are experiencing grief - when I had it once, I didn’t know what I was experiencing - I spoke to a counsellor who told me. I thought it was just sadness, but it’s more than that. Maybe read about it, take care of yourself, give yourself time.

This.....

Self care is massively important. How you achieve this will be your choice.

Please remind yourself that you are just starting out on this traumatic journey. It takes a long time to deal with your new situation. Accept each day will bring all emotions, often all in a day. That alone is very testing.

Back to self care, to make big decisions you will need a healthy body and mind.

Seek support from reliable friends and family. Research your situation, that might mean seeking legal advice and professional emotional support.

Your situation is similar to mine. Pretty much all adult life was with my ex husband.

Be patient with yourself and just go with the turmoil that surrounds you. Chip away at each problem as when you can deal with it.

Being on here helped me alot. Just reading posts.

Good luck xx

I have just reread my post and I have emphasised the body and mind alot. I still stand by this.

My point I am trying to make is your body and mind could feel quite battered by the process. If you want to cry all day, do it. If you need to sleep and shut the world out, do it. Just look after yourself. 😘

Thank you everyone. I do tend to deal with things by reading and planning.
We met when we were both 26 and this year I'm turning 50. I'm not ony own, he also left me with our autistic child and the dog he wanted. The dog is in many ways a godsend right now, getting me out in the fresh air twice a day and she gives brilliant cuddles.
Today I've achieved setting up my own Tesco account and organised a food delivery and I've started looking into getting my driver's license (it's never too late I hope). I cooked the chicken he bought for the Sunday roast just hours before announcing that he was done and shared it with the dog.

I hope the dog had a great meal.

Going for driving licence is very positive.

Im only 6 months or so ahead of you and what i have found has helped is seeing friends, exercise, having something to look forward to.

What really hasn't helped is most music (lyrics make me feel so emotional) and too much time alone overthinking.

It's half term so I have the week off. I'm not sure if I'll cope with work next week and I'm dreading telling my close colleagues.
I'm very up and down. I'm struggling to eat and I feel cold and shaky all the time.
I've set up my own Tesco account and organised a food delivery so that feels like a step forward.
Tonight he is coming to take the pet for a vet appointment and Ive asked him to stay for a bit to sort some practical things and talk about how we will navigate this. I'm not going to try to change his mind, he is very stubborn but I would like to understand a bit more what has led to this and how he envisions the future.

Well done on getting those things organised, baby steps was how I got through the first few days. Take time to lick your wounds and do a form of self care every day.

Its truly shit, but it does get better

Oh, and if you aren't up to work then don't go, I was off work for 2 weeks till I felt strong enough to get through the day without collapsing. I have 2 young kids, now 4 and 7, this all happened last April so still fairly fresh and its good to have them around as they forced me to act normal, till I was normal again. Well, I'm still not back to my old self, but I think that'll be a long time yet.

I told my work and they gave me a week compassionate leave, and then I self certified sick for a week. They were a bit arsey about it to be honest, wanting me to take AL instead for the second week, but I offered to get a proper doctors line instead and they changed their mind. I was already seeing my doctor for antidepressents who offered to sign me off, but by that point being back at work was helping me get back into the swing of things.

We had our talk on Wednesday and while I still don't fully understand I do understand a bit more. I know how his brain works and this is very him. I'm just angry that he didn't try talking about the problems and that he shut me down when I tried in the last year.
I can see his mind is made up though so I'll just have to do my best.
I've taken back control of my bank account, sorted out Tesco online ordering and cleaned the house. I've even managed to eat a little. No doubt there will be more tests but it's nice to have moments of feeling more positive.

When you are ready, start giving yourself little five minute stretches where you start imagining life without him and what thats going to look like....youre already starting to do this with the dog walks and driving lessons....its starts to pull you out of the past and fix your eye on the future. If you can start doing this you are doing something big, ie you are planting hope and believe me it will grow. Sending big hugs xxxx Heartbreak is tough, but life is good and it will be again. This is your chance for a sea change and to live a life you may not have planned, but will still be exciting, fulfilling and yes even happy xxx

Lobelia133, thank you for those words, they made me cry but in a good way.