Struggling

[Makingdobadly]

I desperately want to seperate from my husband but it just seems so complicated. We are living together so miserably and yet it doesn’t seem to bother him one tiny bit! He makes out that I’m the one with all the problems, I’m never happy, I’m too hard to please but I’m not, I’m just emotionally drained from having years of putting up with his moods and constantly managing his moods and treading on eggshells! I’ve got a meeting with women’s aid on Wednesday and frankly it can’t come soon enough but I’m really struggling with how to live day to day just trying to act ok as I can for sake of the children! My mental health is in the gutter honestly and I’m definitely not the best version of myself so some of his points are probably valid as I’ve completely given up on the relationship so I’m not trying at all. I’d love to just say that’s it over and done no going back but his dad is dying which makes things complicated also. He sees nothing ever wrong with his behaviour, it’s all me apparently but his behaviour and treatment of our daughter and dog on occasions has been less than ideal ( not that he ever acknowledges this) he just brushes it off and minimises it. So I guess what I’m asking is has anyone been through something similar and how did you cope carrying on as if everything is normal until I at least get some sort of guidance on how to actually leave?

What is your housing situation? I’m sorry you are struggling and glad you’re going to speak to someone .

We have a joint mortgage for our house we’re currently still living in together. He does pay the majority of it as he earns a considerable amount more than I do. The last thing I want to do is split the family up but there’s no way I can carry on like this…he won’t leave though so will most likely have to be me.

Just want to say your situation is exactly the same as mine. I am so drained. I’ve been speaking to a therapist but he refuses to. Every time I try to talk it ends up in a row and he says something nasty, we just go round in circles. He seems desperately miserable but also doesn’t ever seem to try or want to try to do anything about it? It’s bizarre! Sorry you’re going through it too.

So he could afford the mortgage and bills on his own but you couldn’t? Would you qualify for help with rent if you and dc moved out? UC don’t take the family home capital into account for a period while a divorce and financial settlement is going though. He would have to buy you out or sell.
Put your info as a single parent through a benefits calculator like entitledto and also the CMS calculator.
I underestimated how much treading on eggshells affected dc - I thought I’d shielded them from ex’s moods but it did really affect their self esteem. The dc were sad about the separation but also commented our home was calmer and happier without their dad
I don’t think staying in the house makes much different legally the way courts divide assets especially if you aren’t in a position to afford to keep it. So moving out and renting could give you the head space you need. It may also stop him dragging things out if he was paying mortgage, bills and CM.