NC'ed for this and hoping not to be outing.
I am really struggling with the feelings of absolute RAGE at how my ex has treated me.
Been split for about 6 years. He was an UTTER PSYCHO when I started dating someone new, seems only he was allowed to do that.. One rule for him and another for me, you know the story.
Well anyway, what I'm struggling with is the Hoovering stage.
Now I am fully aware of the abuse cycle and how it plays out.. But I feel utterly sick when he tries to hoover/love bomb.
We are almost No Contact - I had to change my number and he doesn't have it. Contact is purely via home phone or via our children and regarding pick up drop offs etc.
So, of late he is back in the love bombing stage... He's offered to have our DC extra nights to "give me a lay in"... my car was damaged recently and he told our DC to tell me that he would pay to fix it (fuck off)
I can look objectively and know full well that this is him trying to reel me back in with his nice guy act, but it makes me feel sick because there is always a calm before a storm.. Generally this means tension is building and when he doesn't get his way, he will do something to create chaos in my life/threaten his life etc.
I don't know what the point is to this post... I just feel anxious as I'm DONE and if/when he tries to bring drama again, I am definitely getting a restraining order this time.
Oh and on a side note, this fucker will go and visit my family and have tea and chats.. Even though my family are aware of how far he pushed me previously (genuinely to the point where I didn't care if I didn't wake up and sitting in front of my therapist and saying this won't end until one of us dies, was a real wake up call for me at how bad it had got and I needed to go No-Contact)
So yes, I also have the issue that other people enable him and think because some time has passed that we can all be friends again.
Meanwhile it's like someone pulled the mask off and I am looking and realising that he's been abusive and he is utterly detrimental to my well-being and my mental health.. And yes he thinks he can now swoop in and play hero. I am absolutely fucking furious at him, but know I can't react because that's what he thrives on.
Just want a hand hold I guess.
I can absolutely see now why women stay or get drawn back in. 😥