Financial agreement with older DC

[CluelessCatLady]

My husband and I have been separated for just over 2 years and are finally starting the divorce process. We have been married for 20 years and it was his decision to end the marriage. We have 2 DC, DS18 and DD16, who live with me full time in the family home (they see their dad regularly when it suits them - there is no formal arrangement, given their ages). STBXH and I are surprisingly amicable.
We have discussed how to split finances and, as I can't afford to buy him out of the family home, we have agreed we won't sell the house until both DC have done their exams this summer, possibly not even until DD has finished Sixth Form in a couple of years. We agreed to a 60/40 split in my favour as, although my DC are older, in reality they won't be leaving home anytime soon and I am going to need a 3 bed house for the foreseeable future.
He also suggested we didn't touch each other's pensions. Mine is actually much bigger than his as he is in line for a large inheritance so never bothered to pay much into his pension pot, so I am comfortable with this.
He would continue to contribute money for/to the DC whilst they are in education (college and/or university), as will I.
My question is, if we are in agreement on all of this, is it likely to be agreed by the courts, as I can see that I benefit the most from the situation, or would it be deemed too unfair to him? Do we even need to go to court if we agree? We both want what is best for our DC and agree this is the best way. I presume we would still need a financial/consent order drawn up? Anybody have any experience when older children are involved, most advice seems to be around younger families.

I don't think you need a court do you? And I can't see the court going against what you are both fully in agreement and consenting to even if you did.

You must get a financial order done, because each could have a claim on any future monies if you don’t even post divorce. But I can’t see why this wouldn’t be signed off all seems pretty equal in the long run.

Thank you. I had hoped this would be the case but had a sudden panic that it would be deemed unfair even though we both agree to it.

Thank you. I definitely want to get a financial order done. Although we're amicable at the moment, I know how quickly that can change.

In a divorce settlement all assets (including pensions) are in the pot to be shared. Hypothetical future inheritance is disregarded. 50:50 is the starting point and deviated from according to need and individual circumstances. It is quite normal for child maintenance to be paid whilst children of the marriage are in education, including uni.

It’s not clear why there would be a 60:40 split. House sale can be delayed where DC under 18 are still living at home with a 50:50 split of assets on sale of house.

If DH is adequately housed without needing the sale of the house it might seem more fair to the judge agreeing the consent order if the agreement were for you to remain in the marital home whilst DC lived at home and were financially dependent (ie not earning an income sufficient to live independently even in shared accommodation) if you agreed to split assets 50:50 when your DC were independent.

What would be split 60:40 on divorce/financial settlement if the pensions were excluded and house sale was deferred?

Also are you currently paying the mortgage and outgoings on the marital home?

Currently we are both paying the mortgage, but I pay all the bills (he does give me money for the kids).

Our thinking behind the 60:40 split was because I would need a 3 bed house and he would only need a 1 or 2 bed as the children will live with me, as they do now. There is no shared custody.

I don't think he'd want to put off the house sale for too many years (if DD goes to uni, it could be another 5 years until she's working) as he is renting currently, and to be honest I would be keen for a fresh start myself, but I guess if we did wait that long, we would go for a straight 50:50 split at that point.

If we went 50:50 now, I'd have to move to a 'less nice' part of town or have a house with ridiculously small rooms (I am already in a 3 bed so wouldn't be downsizing, just buying cheaper), which neither of us want for the kids. But I know 50:50 is the starting point, hence my question as to how likely we are to get what we want, rather than what a judge thinks is fair. How much are our wishes taken into consideration?

It seems perfectly reasonable the kids will be living with you so you need bigger house, ex H fully supportive and in agreement with it.

I didn't think the courts were there to start causing discord or creating their own disagreements with proceedings that are agreed to by both parties.

I guess you need it all officially in writing should anyone try and question it later down the line.

I hope it's all straightforward as it sounds like you've both handled the split in a mature, civil and reasonable fashion.

You don't need to pay a court, your both happy, sounds very fair just pay for the financial order

The biggest issue is how much of pension disparity is there. And how guaranteed his inheritance is. If it’s not guaranteed it should be disregarded as it might not come to fruition in which case you should be equalising pension on divorce.a judge is very likely to question that

have you both had independent legal advice as to what a fair settlement could look like ?

Yes it needs to be written up for the courts but if you are in agreement you only need one solicitor to write it (or there’s an online services) and the courts will rubber stamp it. It’s very similar to my agreement and wasn’t questioned at all, we didn’t even list all assets as there was no need, just stated amicably split. I’d actually remarried by the time I did the financial paperwork as we needed it for a pension split. Our divorce was all online via the court website no solicitor. Saves a fortune!

Courts do not necessarily just rubber stamp it, even where parties agree. there are many cases ( even on here) where it’s been rejected and the op is tearing her hair out.

How would a 60:40 split (of what) despite exclusion of pensions and deferred house sale mean that you could afford mortgage payments without ongoing spousal maintenance?

Draft a financial agreement with split of assets and liabilities and then you will have something that you and DH can submit to solicitors as a proposed settlement. They will advise if it is considered fair and if the court is likely to approve it. It can deviate from 50;50 but you and DH will need to justify this.

The courts don’t like settlements with ongoing spousal maintenance. Selling the house now and agreeing a 50:50 split would enable both parties to be adequately housed with a clean split. This wouldn’t prevent DH from financially supporting his nearly adult DC.

BTW who has started the divorce process ie formally applied for divorce? If no one has I would advise deferring it if you are both in agreement and content with the current arrangement.

We haven't started the process yet but we are planning on doing a joint application. I guess we could put it off for a while but I think after 2 years apart, we need to move on.

I guess we just draft our proposed arrangements and get a solicitor to advise on it (we were hoping to avoid spending too much on legal fees but I think in this case it would be wise)