How to cope with this? I need some top tips/genius help

[TheKnackeredNoo]

I’m wondering if any of you have any insight into how to cope financially and practically as a single parent? I really need to separate from my partner - he’s been scarily, verbally abusive to me several times in front of my older son and I know i must make him go. But, if he goes, he’ll do nothing in terms of childcare and contribute nothing financially either. It’s my house and I worked so hard to buy it and to get where I am at work. I earn a decent wage but start work at 7am so childcare is going to be really difficult both in practical terms and financial ones. Even if I find a way to get the baby to nursery it’s going to be about £600 every month on top of mortgage/bills etc even allowing for the free hours.

If my partner stays, he could drop off at nursery and the practical element is taken care of. But it’s a toxic situation and I don’t want him around me or the boys behaving like that. He was a good guy but he’s changed so much. I know full well he will fiddle his taxes to spite me and I won’t see a penny off him in maintenance.

I just don’t know how I’ll cope. Feels like I should just leave work and claim benefits while I think about other job options cos I just can’t see how to do this. My family are unable to help out and friends have their own childcare woes. I never expected things to turn out like this

Im sorry this is happening to you. Could you speak to work and see if you could reduce your hours, even temporarily?

I’ve reduced my hours a bit but don’t think I can go any further. There’s no wriggle room on the starting time at all. I think I’m going to have to take him back until I can get a new job with better hours and spend the whole time walking on eggshells until I can get rid of him properly

I’ve not been able to leave my toxic relationship either due to finances. It must be happening all over the country as there is far less homes available to rent. And people traditionally always used rental home as a stop gap when separating. Sorry you’re stuck but I just want to confirm you are not alone in this.

Sorry you're in this situation. Just wanted to reassure you that it might not feel like it now, but there absolutely will be a way you can make this work and thrive on your own.

Practicalities - could you look at a childminder instead of nursery? My brother has really early starts and his childminder takes his daughter from around 6/6.30am on the days he has her.

Financially - have a look at the Entitled To website and see what benefits you'd be entitled to. The earnings threshold for UC is surprisingly high if you're a working single parent claiming childcare costs.

Really? Didn’t think I stood a chance of childminders starting at silly o’clock. Def something to consider then. Thanks

Thanks. It’s just so frustrating! I’ve worked really hard through some difficult times to get to where I am at work but it all seems like it was for nothing.
I hope you are ok too. God, life’s not easy, is it?

@thisist ^ that last msg was for you. I’ve not really written on here before so thought I was replying directly to you 🤷🏻‍♀️

Defo check entitled to but having a mortgage means you don't usually get help like if you were renting with housing benefit.

Also if he goes you will have single persons council tax and bills should maybe go down..

Anything change you could extend your mortgage or take a break or anything whilst you find your feet as he needs to go.

Good luck OP. For what it's worth, I left my abusive husband and I'm now on my own with 3 kids, working full time and managing just fine logistically and financially. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.