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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Struggling so much

2 replies

Picklepink · 09/02/2026 10:43

Please help…. Im currently going through separation from partner I have been with on off for 15 years. We have a daughter together whos 10. I feel absolutely overwhelmed and broken at the moment, as im moving out of marital home, to a property i bought 5 years ago, when we separated. We’ve always had a turbulent relationship as i realise our needs are different. Partner works away a lot and has very stressful job, which has caused a few arguements along the way. Mainly our disagreements are associated to his drinking at home on friday and saturday nights, without fail, every weekend of our lives. I’ve highlighted this to my partner on many occassions as he does not seem to realise how its affecting me as his partner. Last september, we had a massive row, where i said i couldnt tolerate it anymore as it was having such am effect on my self esteem. I dont think that a partner staying up drinking on social media every weekend is good for any relationship. My concerns have always been met with ‘your a nag’ ‘its normal’ and ive never been listened to or understood. Overall he is a good person, but selfish and always has been. In the last few months, things have been awful, he has without a doubt met someone else and is so cold and adamant its over, whilst im heartbroken, blaming myself for the relationship breakdown for being the way I am. I realise that the way i respond to situations in our relationship is a lot down to frustration of never being listened to, never understood and always being made out to be the problem. He is ultimately blaming me for everything. I feel like ive ruined everything, although I know deep down its not all me. Feel heartbroken. Any advice… to get me through this please as im struggling to cope with it all.

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 09/02/2026 15:03

How did his drinking affect you?

Did it mean you never went out together, or was he drinking to excess? Neither is a great environment to raise a child. I left my ex because I didn't want ds to grow up thinking getting very drunk as normal.

Perhaps focus on the reasons you couldn't tolerate it, and how you are now protecting you and your child.

He refused to change. You haven't ruined anything.

Picklepink · 09/02/2026 15:12

Thank you for your post, means a lot to get perspective on it. I think it mainly affected me in terms of not feeling an emotional connection, due to him choosing to spend those 2 night drinking instead of quality time with me. I’m not in any way needy, but felt that going to bed or sleeping in spare bed every weekend not great for us. Nor for my daughter, who i dont want her to think its the norm. For context, he will drink 6/8 cans each night on friday/saturday. Just feel like its ingrained into our lives and ultimately its lonely. I’m happy to have a drink or two, but we have a daughter, who needs us as parents, so getting half cut most weekends at home is not great.

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