How can I prepare for the possibility of exH taking me to court for access?

[Cryingatthegym]

Hi all, looking for some advice from those who’ve been through the family court process.

I’m separated from my children’s father and made the decision to stop the children from having overnight contact with him last month due to safeguarding concerns. This was a last resort for me and came after months of repeated, escalating concerns and dismissal from him whenever I or others (professionals) tried to broach this with him.

This morning I received an invitation to mediate with him, and I think court proceedings around child arrangements are likely to be the next step. We’ve already tried mediation previously and it wasn’t successful, so I’ve declined further mediation. Probably worth mentioning that I was subject to domestic abuse in the relationship, which is another reason not to revisit mediation.

My main worry is safeguarding. Over the past 18 months since we separated there have been multiple safeguarding referrals and concerns raised (by Women's Aid, nursery & GP etc), but I’m increasingly anxious about how little of this I actually have in writing myself. A lot seems to sit with agencies rather than with me, and I’m worried about being underprepared if this goes to court.

For those who’ve been through this, how did you prepare for court? What kind of evidence or paper trail is actually helpful? Is it worth proactively requesting records now? Anything you wish you’d done earlier?

I want to make sure I’m focused on the children’s best interests and not scrambling at the last minute if an application is made.

Any advice or experiences very welcome. Thank you.

The opinions of professionals will carry far more weight than yours. You will need copies of every professional's report/referral. I would ask them all if they will go to court as a witness, too.

Hi Op,
Hopefully someone with better experience will come along to advise you soon!
In the meantime, can you contact the agencies you refer to in your post for a statement?
'Over the past 18 months since we separated there have been multiple safeguarding referrals and concerns raised (by Women's Aid, nursery & GP etc'

Thanks for replying

What's the best way to go about this? Should I submit SARs to all agencies involved?

I would ring in the 1st instance and speak to the individual involved, explain the problem. They will probably need you to put your request in writing, for their own records but should be happy to give you copies. I would ask if they feel able to support you in Court if necessary, some may not be able to for various reasons that are not a reflection of you but some may at least be able to consider your request if you can give them a date, later on

If anyone says they can't give you a copy, perhaps no longer get in post, then would be the time to put in a SAR.
Try not to worry, you have acted on professional advice and the tide is turning away from. 'A relationship at all costs'.

I would say not to initiate court proceedings yourself - wait for him to do it. You can continue to exercise your parental right to refuse contact on safeguarding grounds. What do your children want? What is their view? This is what the court will want to know.

once proceedings begin, you will have a call with cafcass and can raise any sg concerns with them. They will also do police and children’s services checks - is there/ has there been any involvement?

Have you ever actually called social services and had anything made officials?

Women’s aid don’t go in and investigate his situation, so their opinion comes from what you’ve reported. Same with the GP; they have the information you have provided, they don’t investigate. And what did the nursery see? They might be the ones with some weight as they’ll have seen him doing drop off or pick up on his days, or they’ll have his disclosures from the children (which really should have gone to social services).

You need some official involvement and if he is dangerous enough for you to stop overnight contact then social services should be involved. Have you ever called them?

Yes, there's been lots of involvement from social services and a few police reports made when the DV was happening. Most of the SS referrals were made by Women's Aid and the GP rather than by me though.

Social services have advised that they support my decision and agreed that stopping contact was the right thing to do. I just don't really have that in writing. It was all done via phone calls and the closing letter from the social worker is just a couple of lines long.

Nursery have raised concerns with him directly about unexplained bruises on my youngest. They've also raised concerns with me about behavioural changes and wellbeing following contact with dad. But again, all happened in person so nothing in writing.

Kids are 3&4 so too young really to know what's happening. They haven't noticed that overnights with dad have stopped, but they do both seem much happier and more settled since.

I think it's the lack of a paper trail that's unnerving me. I work in a sector where if there isn't written evidence, it basically didn't happen.

Have social services closed the previous case?

In all likelihood, due to previous SS involvement, the judge will request an assessment from carcass anyway and they will have access to all the information.

Carcass 🤣 Cafcass obviously!

Yes, they closed it because he wouldn't consent to involvement and they deemed that I'd taken the correct protective action.

That's reassuring, thank you!

Should I submit SARs to all agencies involved?
Those create huge amounts of work, don't do that unless it's the last resort.

Just ask them for details of any involvement they've had and referrals they've made. I expect they'll be asked to give input/reports anyway.

Contact the professionals involved, explain what's happening and they can provide statements. SARS are a last resort if they really won't provide information. Social Services will have extensive records . Should it go to court then social services should be asked by carcass to provide the information under Section 17, but do ask for their information anyway in case the opinion becomes the case is closed. Cafcass will see you both separately (which you can request because of the documented DV) and will write a report. A lot depends on whether the cafcass officer chooses to side with dad. Don't initiate court yourself, wait for him to do it. It's entirely possible to self represent but might be worth getting some legal advice in your case, particularly as the safeguarding involves physical harm to the children and evidence from the nursery. Also, family court doesn't 'call witnesses' it's very much written reports and trying to cut through to what is actually happening. It can feel brutal (judges see a lot of cases where contact is withheld for no reason so you have to be prepared to be questioned) but doesn't need to be feared. Make sure you stay truthful and not in feelings.

Thank you, this is really reassuring to read. The social worker actually commented to me that it was nice to speak to a mother who DIDN'T want to stop contact as it's been a last resort for me and I really have tried my best to raise concerns in a reasonable way and tried not to let my emotions influence anything.

Unfortunately however the concerns increased to the point where I couldn't keep giving him the benefit of the doubt or more chances to show he's capable of looking after them without causing harm.

Agree with above about contacting them and asking for the records.
Gp it is fairly easy to email over and ask.
Cafcass- if it gets there they will speak directly to nursery so you need to point them in the direction to make sure they get specific information. Nursery won't give you anything in writing.
Social services- I recently say on Legally Nik that if SS tell you to stop contact you should always get that in writing to back yourself up. I'd request it.
Dociment- time,place, what happened, affect of the kids. Everything.
Document any communication you receive from him, screenshot it, or if you're on a parenting app like OFW then even better as that can be submitted as evidence.
Cafcass will contact the police.
Good luck, hope it all works out for you and the kids.

Hi OP, I'm sadly in a similar situation at the moment - no court as of yet but recently stopped contact between dad and my DD due to his escalating behaviour, suspect drinking & mental health deterioration.
Social care closed the case as they say I've safeguarded by stopping contact but I cannot get them to put anything on writing. They appear to have given conflicting info to my ex as well - he's sent messages about them not agreeing with my decision and it not being in DDs best interests after he spoke to them.
I'm appalled by the lack of concrete decision making by social care as it's left me in a grey area.
I just wanted to comment to send commiserations, it's an awful situation to find ourselves in. Womens aid have advised me to wait for him to take me to court which is really anxiety provoking, social care have advised me to put in a form C100 for an urgent court hearing.
I think I'm going to speak to a family solicitor on Monday.
Do you have any family supporting you? My friends have been amazing but my family think I'm overreacting which is really hard to cope with.

Yes request the records now. SAR take a while so do that now to all agencies involved. I found everyone advising me to insist on supervised contact only but when my ex took me to court Social services, HV etc wouldn’t go on record they had advised me this.

If supervised would be safe for the child offer that. Judges don’t like when you offer nothing without serious reason

Request the records and seek legal advice. Cheaper in the long run than doing it on your own and potentially getting it wrong.