Asking advice about house sale and separation

[NewNameNewHat]

Family home has been on the market for six months. Slow market. We had planned o move as a family for several good reasons that still apply. I then split up with DH shortly before Christmas. We have 2 DC, secondary age who have remained with me. He has moved out.

I’ve applied for a divorce, agreed on mediation and we have had a MIAMS and one mediation session where we talked mostly about the DC and he said he wasn’t ready to discuss finances. Now suddenly we are getting offers on the house. He won’t say how much of the split he’s looking for, says we can sell it while we work this out. I think this is unhinged and that we need a financial order (he asked for one when he filled in the divorce acceptance papers, I also think it’s a good idea). He keeps stressing he wants coparenting but there is no financial transparency on his side. He has other assets but I’m not sure what or how much (part of many reasons why I’m divorcing him). I’m strongly inclined to take the house off the market until we have a financial order but feel under pressure from him and estate agent so wanted to sound people out. Thank you.

Yes I agree with you I think you need a financial order before selling the house. Otherwise, where will the money from the house sale go to?

the financial order formalises what ever you have agreed in terms of finances (or what has been imposed by the court if you didn’t agree).

i don’t see how it would work in practice to sell the house if you have no idea how much money you will have to buy a new one so at the very minimum you both need to be a lot further down the line.

I’m pretty sure I was advised not to buy until the financial order had been formalised.

Thank you both. I have been confused, as the mediation (a family law solicitor) has said she will let us know if there is general legal advice we should take, but just nodded when we said the house was on the market, and she made a note of it. I have spoken to the EA and taken the house off the market. I feel a bit baffled as I thought mediation was a way to make cooperative decisions and avoid high legal fees (which was how it has been explained at the MIAMS) but it almost sounds as if I need independent legal advice and mediation, which feels like two rounds of expense. I am very grateful for the responses here. Thank you

I'd give up on the mediation and go straight to a solicitor if he's not willing to tell you his financial situation

Thank you. My understanding is that we have to try mediation first? That the law encourages that? This is going on what the mediation solicitor told us both separately. The mediator also said we would both need to do a financial disclosure but could discuss DC first. We have only had one meeting apart from the MiAM meeting where we each were seen separately.

If he has assets you are not certain about, my concern would be that he's delaying disclosing finances because he's disposing of something and hoping to only have to provide however many months of financial documents and whatever he's playing at will not be included on them by then.

My understanding is that we have to try mediation first? That the law encourages that?

The law? Absolutely not. As someone else has pointed out, the longer you delay the more chance he has of hiding things

Thank you. I feel a bit confused now, because the mediator is a solicitor and she explained at the miams and at the joint appointment how this is better than court, how it’s cheaper, how the court would prefer mediation first unless there was domestic violence. It’s quite expensive to see her for a session and it’s a proper law firm so I have trusted this advice.