Advice on divorce when wife is breadwinner

[sweetpea9002]

I am writing to seek advice regarding my current marital situation. I have been married for over 13 years and have two children. Throughout our marriage, I have been the sole breadwinner, as my husband lost his job shortly before we wed and has not maintained steady full-time employment since. While he claims to be searching for work, he refuses to consider roles outside of the tech industry.

Our relationship has been strained for nearly a decade; we have not been intimate in over nine years and maintain separate bedrooms. Beyond the financial strain, he provides minimal assistance with our children or household responsibilities.

I have consulted with several attorneys regarding a divorce. However, because we are in California, I have been advised that he would likely be entitled to 50/50 custody and a significant portion of my earnings and the equity in my home. These financial and custodial implications have prevented me from filing, as I am hesitant to undergo a custody battle or lose the assets I have worked hard to maintain.

I am feeling stuck and would appreciate any guidance or perspective you can offer on how to navigate this situation.

Commenting purely from a financial point of view, assets tend to appreciate and people tend to get wealthier over their lifetime.

Your house, which you don’t want to split the value of now, will be worth more in 10 years.

Your savings, which you don’t want to split now, will be worth more in 10 years.

Your pension plan, which you don’t want to split now, will be worth more in 10 years.

Basically, short of having a Time Machine, do it now before it gets more expensive.

Not sure of the law there, but i’d imagine you’re going to have to split assets as you’re married as in all marriages. As PP said, this is only going to get more expensive over time, and the law isn’t
going to change. Sure many men feel annoyed when their wife hasn’t contributed as much financially but that’s what marriage is for, sharing assets. Why stay and be miserable when you’ll end up having to pay him half anyway. Free yourself and be happy.

I’m think that the longer you stay married in California the more obligation you have to pay spousal support. I want to say that 12 years is not a good threshold to go over.

Keep evidence of how you do everything for the kids despite also working.
encourage him to get a job before you leave him.

You need to make life so difficult for him so that he gets a job!!