Friend’s messy divorce

[Newmum7889]

One of my university friends is about to become the first of us to get divorced. I’m doing my best to support her, but our lives are very different at the moment so I thought I’d ask on here for advice!

She’s been through a lot - I think none of us realised how difficult her marriage was until it ended. She was telling me about some of the things her ex did and I told her it was exactly like when I experienced emotional abuse.

She’s currently living with her parents while her ex has moved in with a new partner and they try and sell their house. Her ex is now threatening to quit work and leave her paying everything while the house is up for sale, she hasn’t started the divorce process yet and doesn’t really know where to start.

It’s really tough seeing her go through this - she’s being so strong and kind and I just want her to get the best outcome so she can move on with her life.

Any suggestions??

Suggestions? She gets a good divorce lawyer. You just be a sounding board and hand holder.

Yup - exactly that: she needs a good lawyer and, more importantly, she needs to take her lawyer's advice.
I didn't take all the advice offered, I got to the point where I just wanted it to be over asap so folded on a few things that I should have stuck out for, and now I really regret not taking full advantage of the expertise I was paying for......

I disagree. Very good lawyers can end up charging her over £30k to fight over £100k.

I'd advise her to file for divorce and start the process of separating their finances through mediation. They can do that for under £2k. She can always consult a solicitor during the process of mediation to make sure her proposal/agreement is fair and reasonable.

That is unless there are over £500k to divide and she been living with her husband for a certain amount of time. The longer the marriage, the more disparity between their income and pensions, the better chance of being able to hope for more than 50/50.

I agree with the file for divorce online to start the ball rolling, get good legal advice and try mediation first.
As a friend my suggestions to you would be to be a sounding board. Check in regularly, if she’s fine one day it doesn’t mean she will be a few days later. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions. It’s emotionally draining. I’m 5 months into an amicable split and there are days I feel strong and empowered and days where I just want to cry. My friends have been absolutely amazing. It has surprised me in a very positive way how much everyone has stepped up and supported me, friends I’d grown apart from are there for me, colleagues giving so much support I couldn’t have got through this so far without them. The power of women has really helped me. Just be there and listen.