CMS with Ex’s circumstances

[ExpectantEs]

Need some advice please! I have been a single mum since the conception of DD. She is now 19 months old and the love of my life. I am fortunate to be a homeowner and a high(ish) earner but not rich. E.g I don’t quality for child benefit but just about get 30 funded nursery hours. I feel comfortable with my bills but supporting myself on maternity leave alone drained my savings and I still have to be mindful of my spending.

DD’s dad still lives at home with his parents and is probably on around £35k a year. He gives me £150 a month. I have asked for more but he says he is broke and cannot afford to. He also said he cannot afford to continue to nursery so I’ve had to manage that on my own. When DD was freshly born he told me (quite sternly) he doesn’t want to go on CMS and he would rather pay money into my account.

He has recently gotten engaged and is due to be married. His lifestyle doesn’t reflect as someone who is broke. His fiancé also has a daughter whom he is contributing towards.

Recently he said he is starting a business soon and in a few years he should be a very high earner and will be able to contribute more. It’s hard to know if he will ever give me more.

I’ve heard that men can sometimes avoid paying CMS and if he goes self employed that will be even easier for him to avoid paying it.

Do I apply for CMS and risk my secure £150 a month? I Or should I wait it out and see if he contributes more when he has more money? Baring in mind he will have a wife and probably more children soon.

CMS calculator says £350 a month

You should be getting twice that amount, at least. He doesn't decide if he goes on it or not.

I would just go to CMS, if he goes self employed and starts hiding money then he will get into huge legal trouble, and it will cause problems for any finance or mortgage etc he needs.

Go to CMS

Go through CMS, asap.

You need to go to CMS - he can’t just ignore his first DC

I'd go through CMS especially if I was getting £150 instead of £350. Thats a huge difference.

Also, it's a mumsnet myth that self employed people don't have to pay child support. They have to pay the same amount of child support as everyone else.

Go to cms he’s having you off paying that, do not let him do this , what the hell is 150 eveymonth ? Out of a 35,000 wage no way , he needs to pay the 350 or go through cms you owe him nothing at all, what a cheeky f he is.

I’d give him the choice. The online CMS calculator shows he should be paying double what he currently is. He either needs to pay the correct amount or you can
make an application to CMS.

Self employment makes it easier for parents to falsely declare their income, it’s not a perfect system, if you’re determined you can eventually get it sorted.

CMS is there so that each parent makes a minimum financial contribution to the child.

The financial conttibution is adjusted to take account of the financial circumstance of both parents (yes it can end up unfair)

He needs to pay via CMS as he is not willing to pay the minimum and has changed the payment without agreement.

And FYI if he is a business owner he may be able to hide lifestyle payments from the business so dont expect to see an uplift in payments

Thanks all - I think everyone is saying the same thing that I should apply.

I guess I’m a bit fearful of messing up the coparenting dynamic as it was turbulent at first and now it’s quite pleasant. And maybe this will sour it again. But need to be brave and apply for it.
Thanks everyone

He’s not being fair to your child.
You need to do it for them.

@dollyblue01I know, whenever I tell people the amount they are shocked. It was initially £100 a month until about 3 months ago when he increased it by £50 after many complaints by myself. It feels like I’m begging and it’s quite demoralising

Question is now, do I give him a heads up - or should I just apply and blindside?

I’d probably send a message along the lines of ‘I have realised that according to CMS, I am actually owed £350/month child support. I think it be will more straightforward to go through them so that if anything changes with your situation in the future, this is reflected in the payments. I am therefore going to submit a claim this week and wanted to let you know’.

I’d tell him. Give him the opportunity to do the right thing for his child.

If he doesn’t, contact CMS.

I would tell him the CMS amount and give him a chance to up the payment.

So he knows if the payment is not made you will go via CMS.

Good luck

Thanks for this @BuckwheatBlini

Will tailor this message and send something like this. He knows CMS says £350 a month and I have been saying this since DD was born but he said he can’t afford it.
I really believed him until I heard about all the holidays with his new DP and the fact he could afford an engagement ring a wedding abroad.

i feel like my empathy has bitten me in the bum again

I think the answer to "I can't afford it" is "CMS is calculated is the bare minimum a parent should contribute to their child's upbringing and takes into account what a parent can afford, decent parents including myself spend a huge amount more than CMS on their children".

@RestartingForNYwill keep that in my arsenal for when I get that response - because it will come!