How can i get some effort input from my ex?

[AinoVa]

We have seperated a few months ago.
Issues were, I guess differences in expectations in the end of the day? Im not traditional at all. I thought he wasnt either. And when we seperated it came to a point where it was easier to raise our child, work fulltime and do the rest. It is easier or at least more peaceful, than it used to be. Working and paying was enough to him.

We are coparents. But with added distance his lack of effort hasnt got better not at all. It wasnt a wake up call. It wasnt a potential new way, with a partner that suits him more it would be better. No. Nothing.

What could move him to be better? Can i do something?
Should i just write him off. He'll come around as an actual dad when he feels like it?

Im not worried about having our child on my own and raising her. But for her sake. I thought there be some effort. I just want some input and ill appreciate it.

(Side note: as of now, i work from home. So thats no issue. I am pretty much around her 24/7. I am not in finacial trouble. I can make it work with out him)

It took a good 4 or 5 years after divorcing for it to sink in that I can't affect how much effort my EXH puts in at all.

Its dwindled down to nothing now, she hasn't seen him since last May. That's his choice.

No matter how much I ask, argue, explain, at the end of the day he will do what he wants and thats usually put in as little effort as possible

It feels like itll go the same. I hope not, for him and her. But well.

Sorry to hear you went through similar things.

What type of distance are you talking about? What is he doing as a coparent and what do you expect more of?

ExH also does minimum. In his mind he’s an involved father. In dc eyes he’s more like a mate or uncle. They don’t go to him with problems. It’s very superficial. If they aren’t doing the day to day of school runs and homework etc the distance creeps in quickly.

It’s better they feel wanted. My DS once told me exH gives off I’m bored vibes after about an hour and DS said it made him feel he wasn’t good enough and after that I stopped pushing contact as I realised being around exH was negative not positive.

One awesome parent is enough. I just massively over compensated and dc have turned out ok.

Unfortunately, you can't make him put in more effort. But I understand that you want that involved father for your daughter. I think putting your effort into building a strong daughter who understands she has done nothing wrong, and keep building yhat strong connection between the two of you, would be the best way forward.