As the title says - I have been doing so well for the last 9 months and now its hit me as we near the end.
My original posts were on the relationship thread but I seem to have entered the realms of the divorce and separation thread now, seeing as I don't have a relationship anymore (or ever again, I hasten to add).
Long story short - he was removed from the family home by the police after his behaviour/drinking became very scary. Retraining order in place for some months which gave me calm and peace. I have not seen or heard from him directly since so I have had time to heal a little. It was a very traumatic time, I wont lie. Its taken every ounce of strength to fight my way through it all.
I have been to therapy and still go, local domestic abuse charity helped, I engaged a solicitor and now we are finally at the agreement and signing stage of splitting assets. His property has been waiting for him for many months and he didn't even pick up a pair of pants.
Anyhow, the last two days a man and a van have been at the/was ours/soon to be mine, family home. He has been collecting everything on behalf of my ex and taking it to his lodgings. The man with the van keeps making comments about how sad it all is and that he's glad that my ex has picked himself up and enjoying life - despite the troubles I have put him through.
What the????!!!!
How dare this stranger enter my property and pretend to even know what went on in our relationship. How dare he make comments about my private relationship - I chose not to tell every Tom, Dick and Harry what he did to me and he chose to re-write the story whereby he was the victim and I was unstable - that's his choice but I wont enter that arena. Today, I really wanted to. I wanted to tell this man that if he thought it was acceptable to call your 'beloved' a fat, ugly c*nt when you drank too much, refuse to regulate or even stop drinking, sexually assault her on a daily basis even when you were told to stop, refuse to be accountable for any of your actions and as for apologise for anything.....haha. Oh I wanted to give it to him both barrels.
He then proceeds to tell me how happy my ex is (no job, no one that cares about him, still drinking and gambling and still sofa surfing).
I am angry. I am sad. I feel the weight of the huge loss (he was lovely as well as nasty, aren't they all). But watching all his things being packed up into this van is just so final. And sad - did I say sad? I'm sat here typing with tears running down my face that I didn't get my fairy-tale ending that I thought I would have.
Why do men not feel this grief at the very end or do they just pretend to be okay? I think a part of me had hoped in the last year that he would have taken repsonsibility for his actions, gotten help, tried to not lose me/us - do anything to make it right. But he is still the victim and has no accountability. I will always be the bad guy that had him arrested because of his actions.
I needed to just rant it all out of me - thanks for reading.
If you have any insights/experience of what people do at the very end then that is so appreciated too.
Anything to stop this bloody self pity and kick me up the backside!