Being bought out

[IsThisLifeNow]

Hello, just looking if anyone would like to share their experiences of being bought out of the family home?

STBEXH and I are still living together forvthe sake of our 2 young kids and trying to sell the family home. We've had zero interest and now he has decided he would like to buy me out.

As much as it will hurt for him to continue to live in our dream home, I don't want to live there alone. We're going 50/50 for custody for the kids, so living there alone would be sad for me. I could probably afford it, but it would be a stretch for me. I didn't think he could afford it, but he says he has a mortgage in principle for the amount so I guess he can. I suspect his parents have given him money.

We've already got a value for the house via a home report, we're in Scotland you see, and I will be getting proper legal advice on it, just wondering what your experiences are of being bought out?

At the end of the day, I just want to not be living with him anymore so I can move forward and start healing from his lies

I brought my ex out

It was a good idea

The kids got to keep there own beds at the end of it all

I also think it was a lot less stress, there was no trying to work out who had what when it came to moving day

They simply got their money, took their stuff and left

As long as you received good legal advice as to the amount you will be entitled to through the house, pension and any savings. Have you got your own house sale estimate. Are you happy with the amount that he’s offered.

Thanks for your reply, The minute of Agreement, as in, all the finance stuff who was getting what was signed off in September I think it was, and we put the house on the market several months ago, so we have the valuation from the Home report that we needed to do for that. We are in Scotland and a home report is required to sell a house. Its kind of like the survey, but ts done by the home owner and then all potential buyers can read it for free

According to quick reading online a buy out needs to be done at market value, but obviously I will get proper legal advice on that. I haven't spoken to STBEXH about actual figures yet, I'm more on a information gather before getting down to the nitty gritty of official stuff.

Sounds like you and EXH are on good terms which is good (for the children and for finances!) My ExH bought me out, as I couldn't bare to live there (and our relationship was very toxic) I ended up leaving the home it was so bad with my DD against advice but I felt that my mental health was more important. it did all get sorted out eventually, but just make sure you get proper legal advice and stand your ground.

Thanks for your reply, yes I can see how that would all be easier, I was imagining on moving day 2 vans both going to a different house with removal men trying to sort furniture and boxes that we'd marked as mine or his would just be so confusing. Plus just trying to coordination entry into 2 properties on a suitable date sounds difficult too.

Sounds like you and EXH are on good terms which is good (for the children and for finances!) My ExH bought me out, as I couldn't bare to live there (and our relationship was very toxic) I ended up leaving the home it was so bad with my DD against advice but I felt that my mental health was more important. it did all get sorted out eventually, but just make sure you get proper legal advice and stand your ground.

@Angrybird76 yes and no. But mostly yes I guess. He has come out after 10 years together, turns out he'd had sex with men before we got together and he cheated at least once during our marriage. When I write that it makes me angry, but we've successfully lived together since April without really too many cross words. We have a big house, loads of space to avoid him and while I'm very angry with him and feel that he's stolen my future, I do realise that no future is guaranteed, and that I will need to co-parent with him for the next 15 or so years so we need to be civil.

I'm sorry for what you've gone through, it sounds awful, but yes, at some point your mental health must come first and I think mine is starting to come to breaking point

I have been seeing a therapist, taking antidepressants and also, a work colleague is going through a very bitter seperation and legal childcare battle and is just consumed with bitterness now. Its completely changed him and frankly, I don't want to be that person, plus the money he must be spending in legal fee's must be horrific.

That's really good an amazingly well done to you for keeping your cool for the sake of your child. Just be prepared for things to get sticky when you start talking about logitsics etc. Take very good care of yourself - I saw a counsellor weekly when things were really tough and it really helped me. 5 years on I am happy, have a new partner and DD is doing well (although things with her Dad arent great).

When it comes to the nitty gritty you may need to remind him that he can’t keep all the contents, they need to be split etc.

Are you happy with the valuation?

Yes happy with the valuation. House has been on the market for 4 months, zero interest and the estate agent has suggested dropping the price. And I know if we were to get offers then they may be lower than our asking price so I think its fair.

It's difficult as I've already had thoughts about how to split things, about how I'd feel like a right skinflint going through the kitchen cupboards and taking half of all the food and stuff. But it would cost quite a bit of money to fully stock a kitchen from scratch, so as mean as it makes me feel, I'm going to do it.

Thanks @Angrybird76 it's not been easy, and I am vaguely worried I'm going to crumble once all the physical work of moving house is done and the reality of it all kicks in. I'd stopped seeing my councillor, but I think I'll need to get a few appointments set up just to keep me feeling OK. I'm glad things are going well for you and your DD now, long may that continue!

@IsThisLifeNowI'm not quite where you are yet, still waiting for the pensions info to come through, but not far behind.
Slight tangent sorry but how did you get yourself a counsellor? I feel increasingly that i could do with one

google, so I'm paying for it, but I look on it as an investment in my future happiness. I know how lucky I am to be able to afford it, but its not as expensive as I thought, a 50 minute session is £30, as its a subsidized charity I believe.

I'm currently having a break from sessions as nothing was happening regarding the house selling and I was feeling ok, but my councillor made it clear if I felt I needed more sessions then I would just get back in touch with her. I think once I get a moving date. I have a house though! Got an offer accepted on a nice wee place a few days ago so hopefully that will all go smoothly. I'm in Scotland and he process is smoother up here so more likely to go ahead.

I'm absolutely over the moon to be getting things moving, pun intended!