Co parenting/moving away

[ThisPoisedGoldGuide]

Looking for advice on people who are further down the line than me, I'm recently separated and have initiated divorce proceedings. Currently debating on where I want to live post divorce. We have lived in our house for 13 years and have about 120k equity. I reckon I can afford to buy him out although it will be a stretch and careful budgeting will be required. Currently living very local to his family and both of our workplaces. My family are around 40mins away- easy motorway drive. Both towns are fairly rough to be honest (working class North East towns), although I'd say on balance my hometown is safer and has a lower crime rate particularly for street crime/muggings, which is something that would worry me as the kids got older and were out and about with their mates.

I can get a cheaper house in a decent area if I move back to my hometown. I will also then have my parents on my doorstep and my closest friends nearby. If I stay here I do have some work friends and some friends from baby groups that I see quite infrequently. If it was just me, I would move without thinking too much about it. Kids are 6 and 7 and very happy and settled at school, so I would feel guilty uprooting them. I'm also worried that the further apart we live, the less likely they will be to want to leave their whole lives to go and stay with him EOW as they get older and have their own friends/hobbies/social lives. It will also be a longer commute for me, adding 1.5hrs to my work day (not a job I can ever work from home in). I realise that he could also up and move away any time (although he doesn't have any plans to at the minute).

I know nobody can give me the answer but I'm just looking for opinions/experiences/thoughts/regrets from anyone that's been through it. I'm also aware that Christmas and New Year is quite a sentimental time of year and I've spent lovely time around my family and friends but I know in normal day to day life I wouldn't see them quite as often.

Thanks for any advice/thoughts from anyone . I'm not miserable living here by any stretch of the imagination, and I'm keen for the kids to have the least possible amount of stress in their little lives. ❤️

What is least disruptive for your children? They are already going to be unsettled by the divorce, do you want to add to that with change of schools? What are your plans for the children moving forwards, will it be 50/50? If your number one priority is less stress for your children then I would stay where you are.

Also consider practical implications of moving. Would you manage a 1.5h commute if you have do do school drop offs/pick ups? And what is the travel time in peak hour traffic?

What would secondary schools look like in both places? For the future and wrap around school care for now??

Can you change jobs/workplace as a single parent that's quite a long commute..

Is there anywhere in between ?

With kids in the mix practicality comes first to me.... Your kids are young enough to move comparatively easily once later in juniors harder and secondary again..

I moved my kids an hour away. My partner and I didn’t really want to stay in my marital home and he lived an hour away.

best decision ever. A fresh start. My kids were 8 & 10 so pre secondary school. Both kids love their new schools and settled in well. I wouldn’t have moved them if they were in secondary school so it was now or never. It was also refreshing moving away from my ex.

downside is that exh says it’s too far away and now rarely sees or even contacts his kids (even though we meet halfway)