The time is coming now…

[Lorelai123]

Christmas is over and we’ve gone into another month and year and now the times coming to tell my partner that I want to break up. I need help and advice on how to even start this conversation.
my new place will be empty from 19th and I plan to take a week or so to move our stuff in and get it ready and I was going to just tell him when the house is ready so that I have somewhere to go if/when he gets angry but honestly I just don’t think I can do that! I need to tell him soon so that we have a few weeks to sort finances and come to a SENSIBLE arrangement about the children plus I feel like I’m living a lie. I vowed to stay quiet during Christmas for our kids and since we had things planned with both respective families I didn’t want to rock anyone else’s boat but now this needs to be out in the open and things need to start happening. Everyone I know will think I’m crazy for telling him weeks before because he is the most reactive person I’ve ever met and I’m likely to be met with a lot of anger and idle threats but I just really feel like the next 3 weeks need
to be used to sort things out rather than hide out until I have a new house.
How do I start/approach this conversation? I’ve already planned with my mum that she takes the kids for a few hours whilst I tell him and I have a friend on standby who’s house I can go to if he gets angry and to also give him space to process what I’ve revealed but my issue is how to even start up the conversation. And then we have the issue of coexisting for 3/4 weeks whilst I get my place sorted to move into so any advice on that would be greatly appreciated.
He really seems to have no idea that this might even be coming, we have no relationship left we can barely be around each other without bickering but he just seems to assume that we are going into another year of the same repeated behaviour and broken promises.
I’m very overwhelmed with the idea of what’s to come, how this is going to affect him and the thought of starting over but knowing that I’m soon to be out of this chaos and can start building a more peaceful life for my babies is actually quite exciting.

How is life for you now? I’m taking things a week at a time (I’m so close now, less than 2 weeks until I can move in) my head is clearer than it has been for years and I don’t know if it’s that or the fact that there’s a way out of it now that I’m starting to process things that I chose to forget about, even things from years ago.. special days he ruined, repeated behaviour patterns that were quite frankly a P take etc I think I’ve swallowed it all for years but now it’s starting to sneak up on me and knocks me for six

@Lorelai123it sounds like you’re doing brilliantly, 2 weeks will pass before you know it and it’s so great that you are feeling clear headed. I pushed everything down for so long and was sure it would all come out as soon as I left but it didn’t, and to a degree still hasn’t, so I think it’s probably better that you’ve started processing it now as that’s all part of the process. As for how I’m doing now, actually Christmas and new year (that I was dreading) were fine and pretty good, but have had a seriously shitty start to the year and it seems that ex is once again creating excuses as to why he can’t make arrangements to either buy me out or sell the house (it’s been 9 months and he still hasn’t even called the bloody lender) so I’m losing the plot a bit. I know that leaving was the right thing, and I have so much more peace now, but we are still only just on the brink of sorting out the finances (honestly we’ve both been avoiding it) so I know that really things will change once we get into this. I’m also starting counselling soon (referred by relate, but it’s taken this long on the waiting list) which I’m happy about but also dreading, as I know I’ve still kept a lid on so many unprocessed feelings and I suppose they have to come out at some point!