Step by step plan to separate and divorce?

[Georgia36]

Emotionally absent and controlling husband... I need him to leave. I know I need to get my ducks in a row. Anyone been through this and can give me a step by step plan and time line of how I go about it? And what is the earliest I can break the news to him? 3 kids, house with mortgage. Thanks!

Provided you are safe, legal or financial advice first. You need to work out where yiu are going to live and how you will finance everything going forwards.

I spent a year doing the numbers over and over, looking at properties on Right Move, increasing my hours at work etc until I knew it was safe enough to jump.

You may 'need him to leave' but in most circumstances he has as much right to stay in the house with the children as you do.

OK - the plan to separate and divorce is easy. The "need him to leave" - is not.

In general this is how divorce happens.
1.You file for divorce - can be done online.

2.You two agree on how you split finances and how child arrangements work in the future
3.Your agreement is sent to Court, Judge looks it over and approves - you get decree nisi
4.You divide assets, as per your agreement
5.After a bit of time, you ger Final Order - decree absolute - and you are divorced.

STEP 2 is, of course, the most difficult one. Can take forever, and is usually the most painful bit full of conflict.

Step 4 - is the time where partners actually move out to their new place of residence. Before that you have NO right to ask him to leave. Until then - you both have an equal right to your marital home.

As to where YOU start - depends on your personal situation. Do you work? Do you two own your house? Do you have savings? Will you be able to support yourself after divorce, would you be applying for child support? Would you be able to buy/rent a property? Will you need legal representation - can you afford it?

Be prepared - separating/divorcing is not a quick process. If he is controlling now - he'll most likely put up a fight and make it all difficult. You need to arm yourself and be strong. He'll turn into an even worse version of himself and make your life even harder - but in the end it'll be worth it.

Thanks Sashya. I work part time. Own the house but I put in 60k deposit 13 years ago. Not sure if this will go in my favour. My husband didn't contribute to the deposit. We've each got houses we had prior to getting together that we rent out. I have also had to take out 50k equity out of my rental due to husband being self employed and not earning hardly anything for years so I've had to pay credit card debt, his machinery etc from the equity in my house that I rent out. Will this be taken into account. 3 kids. No savings. I could afford a house on my own as long as I at least get half our combined equity plus the 60k I put down for the deposit, but it will be very tight. I'm anticipating next to nothing in child maintenance as unless he gets a job his self employed earnings are probably too low. Ideally I'd like to keep our current house. We can evict the tenants and he can move back into his original property, then I can just let him have the remaining equity from the sale of my house that I rent out. That gives him about 25% of total assets. No idea if this is naive dreaming though...

It's a real strain living together and I'm struggling to hold it together