Am I really regretting decision to leave or is it because the festive period?

[LM2092]

I separated from my long term partner (of 11 years) in August due to discovering infidelity on his part. The home we shared was his home so I left and have been staying with family. We share a DD (5 years old), the split has been really tough as he didn’t want to split but I don’t feel I can get over what he did. There was also a history of verbal/emotional abuse that was quite bad the past 1-2 years of our relationship. The full time we’ve been separated he has been constantly on at me begging for forgiveness, wanting another shot and I’ve just wanted space this full time.

everything came to a head on the lead up to Xmas day, fights over who was keeping my daughter Xmas eve, he got quite nasty in my opinion wanting to ask my daughter to pick who she stayed with (did not happen in the end, I wouldn’t stand for that). Since Xmas eve I haven’t heard from him at all other than contact for my daughter, now she is away with him I feel terrible and wondering if I should have given another shot at the family.

Seeing families happy over this time together has been really tough on me. I know I shouldn’t let this cloud my judgement but I’m struggling. Really just looking for advice from anyone who has been through a similar situation and what you did. Did you go back? If so how did you manage to get over it? Did you move on, when do you start to feel better?

thanks

No, no, no. Would you want DD to have a partner/husband like him? You lead by example.

Why would you go back? You don’t want to be with him and you’ve already put your daughter through the worst bit. Move on, find somewhere to live and don’t go back to him. You and your child deserve better

No you shouldn’t be together. What you need to do is sort out a CAO that sets out how you both parent and deals with holidays and overnights. The CMS can deal with any support payments.

Rather than having arguments about this you should arrange mediation. Start with the assumption you are both parents and have equal responsibility.

The important person in this is the child. They don’t need 2 separated parents fighting and getting back together to fight some more. They need you both to accept it is over and sort out parenting.

Just remember that those perfect families you see on social media aren’t always so perfect, you never know what’s going on behind closed doors. Sending love, you did the right thing by leaving him