Divorce?

[gorabbit2026]

I have felt for a few months that I want to leave my husband. Things aren’t miserable but they aren’t good either. I don’t think we have anything in common anymore except our children. We have different life goals and I just want a different future. I mainly just feel like I want my own house and my own stuff and feel like my children would thrive more as would I if it was just the 3 of us.

my question is though, is this stupid?! Would I regret it? Would my children despise me?
I can’t help but think about our vows and feel like I’m giving up too easily but I think every few months I have the same doubts and when is enough enough?
that being said, I care about him a lot and would want to maintain a friendship but I think he would make life really hard…

I don’t have the answer but I can relate to all of this! Part of me wants him to do something bad so I have a reason to leave.

I often see this question and I personally think that if someone has to ask if its the right thing to do, that they are not ready.

I think if you’re having these thoughts and they aren’t disappearing then you know that you’d be happier on your own.

I mean some may say you could try counselling or speaking to your husband, maybe you already have? But I think if you have a gut feeling then maybe it’s time you acted on it.

I feel this but also think there’s a lot to be said for taking the bull by the horns and making our own decision?

And do you really think the children would be better off without their father around?

If you are going to separate, it is better to do it while the dcs are still very young. Then they regard the new routine as normal.

Much harder for them as they get older.

Would you be able to support yourself financially?

Their father would still be around, and probably see them 50% of the time

Yes, i would need to go full time but was considering doing that anyway just to have extra income. I earn more money than he does for context

That’s not what I asked. I asked
do you think they would be better off after the divorce? You are about to turn their world upside down, and dispute what many might want to think, it will impact them for the rest of their lives. Once you have kids it isn’t all about you.

Honestly I would do counselling/work at it first. You made vows, you don’t say he’s abusive, children very rarely benefit from divorce unless there has been abuse. What was the point in getting married to give up so easily without a fight? There will always be ups and downs

Do I think they’d be better off if their parents were happy? Yes. Will it be easy to begin with? No, of course not.
they are already in a household with constant bickering and resentment that they are picking up on.

Could you cope with not seeing your DC 50% of the time? Not spend Xmas or birthdays with them if it wasn’t your “turn”?
friends of mine have found that very hard

Yes that would be hard but I hope it wouldn’t be like that. Maybe I’m delusional in hoping it could also be friendly?

The push and pull of emotions is a no man’s land of indecision. It’s horrible and many women are going through it. They just drift along until the $hit hits the fan and a catalyst occurs necessitating bold decisions in a hurry.

If you do decide to leave, it will be very painful for a while afterwards. Brace yourself for losing everything you’ve built up, routines, all the minutiae of life which is stable and you count on. You’ll be cast adrift by your own hand.

Why not start a fact finding exercise now to investigate your options financially and accommodation wise which might be a revelation or you could blow it up now and in a puff of smoke be done with it straight away.

Myself, I’d take the measured avenue, consider all options, take my time, keep cards close to my chest and “sock it” to him. That way theres no dithering, you know what you’re doing and you can rip the plaster off really quickly.

(Dont ask me how I know!! 🙄)

That is extremely helpful thank you