Is this normal?

[Losthusbandstbx]

To cut this short. I have unresolved childhood trauma, and have always resorted to taking anti anxiety pills to stop it, it goes on for a few months and I change become less helpful and a bit of a dick so I stop and something else triggers it off.

my soon to be X wife kicked me out after my recent ‘bad spell’ told me she wanted a divorce. I met someone and had. A very brief relationship like 6 weeks, come off the meds ended it and she was so glad to have me back saying things like I was her person soulmate, spellbound by me.. fast forward to December 24 mum gets cancer bad type. Mother’s Day I ‘bad spell’ 3 months on the meds then stopped, my wife’s left me, divorced me signed sealed payed for, shes
gone mum was buried last week.

Now im completely alone, no wife, family alive anymore, no kids no pets as she took them.

do you think she met someone else while I was caring for my mum and running my business or your you think the first time it hurt so much gave her the courage to leave me for good ?

married 10
together 17
absloute love of my life but she’s forcing it. She’s blocked me on everything and we can get passionate when we argue and it’s not healthy. But I’m blindsided I’ve lost the two most important women In my life.

I’ve quit My business, I’m just lost. I’m a good person, I’m, I see a lot more from her perspective now like I don’t watch porn anymore, I would never sleep with anybody I didn’t love now or then.

just can someone please help me, she’s saying she’s afraid of me but I think she’s found someone else she says it makes her feel poorly when I say that? I just don’t understand and she won’t elaborate.

can one/all of you wonderful women please help me. I’ve just spent my first Christmas alone, no family, no kids, no wife and she won’t contact me.

think she met someone else in my
opinion as she was never for her phone especially Tik
Tok but I don’t use social
media so is it possible to cheat on tik tok. Or did she grow to hate me?

I’m really close
to ending my life it’s that’s bad I’ve never been frozen out by anyone like this. I’m very introverted and non confrontational I’m just so sad, Uk based.

You have been honest in your OP but the one sentence that stands out is your ex is afraid of you.
You are grieving your mum - and I am sorry for your loss, the first Xmas is the toughest - but I think you need to come to terms with the fact your ex wants to separate for good.
You need counselling, both for the childhood trauma and the losses of your mum and ex.
It is irrelevant whether she has met someone else or not, you are done.
But you do need help, especially if feeling suicidal. Please make an appointment with your GP. I also would be taking whatever meds keep you the most stable. Good luck.

Sounds like a really painful situation you find yourself in. Will try to break it down.

1. I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum. It’s one of the hardest losses there is and no easy way through. Just need to be extra kind to yourself for a long time yet.
2. Your divorce is a different type of loss but you’re entitled to grieve. Don’t obsess that your exW has someone else. If she says she doesn’t believe her. If she’s had a hard time likely the last thing she would want is another man. You’ll need to respect her boundaries and let her heal/go. Life can and does go on after divorce.
3. Your exW saying you frighten her is a red flag 🚩. Whatever you are or were doing to induce that reaction. Stop. She is entitled to peace as are you and if you still love her like you say you do you’ll want her to feel safe, happy and healed.
4. Giving up your business was daft. Understand why but that creates more issues. Hardest thing in the world is putting one foot in front of the other when it’s the last thing you want to do, but for inspiration read Kiplings ‘If’… every nerve and sinew.
5. Suicidal thoughts are common when people are in extreme pain. The problem is the pain doesn’t go away. All those who know/love them then suffer for the rest of their lives. When we go through hell part of the journey is to keep on going.
6. Not everyone is lucky enough to have loved ones. But it is still possible to have an enjoyable life and to make a difference/be of service. 2026 is coming. This is the perfect time to take stock and consider what you can do in the next 12 months. Focus on different areas and then check back in a year. You’ll know what works for you and examples could be:
7. Health: get fit, drink less etc;
8. Social: volunteer, get a hobby, help others - get out more;
9. Work: dust yourself down and get back on the horse, you have a new life to build - it will take time but you’ll get there; you’ll need £s;
10. Dream: write a list of a few things you’ve always wanted to do, everyone different but a cruise 🚢 if you’re now single being at sea can be good for the soul for example, but whatever your list is (know it will maybe feel flat/pointless just now but it’s important to have something to look forward to or work towards)… work out a way to make it happen.

The great thing about rock bottom is there is only one way to go. There will be new people you’ve not met yet who will help you find meaning again. Being a good person is one thing, but doing as a good person is even better.

You’ve not had it easy. Life is hard. Not perfect. Painful. Disorientating. Empty at times and a lot in between. Childhood trauma adds to this so do get help and find someone to talk to.

Overall life can however black it feels just now be fulfilling again. Will take time, effort, patience (with yourself and others) but finding solutions and overcoming your challenges has the potential to be a life changer.

It would be amazing in a year’s time if you updated this thread from a better place. You’ve nothing to lose by trying and if the pain you’re feeling is properly channelled, you could as I say help others too when you’re feeling stronger and build a whole new support network along the way.

If you’re a reader: Why me, Why this, Why now by R Norwood can be good when feeling broken or lost.

Good 🍀 luck.

1. How does your unresolved childhood trauma manifest itself? What does a "bad spell" involve and how long does it last?

1. You mentioned that during a bad spell you csn be "a bit of a dick". What does thst look like?

1. You mention "we can get passionate whwn we argue. What does that look like? Do both of you "get passionate" in equal measure? Has this ever involved physical aggression or violence?

1. You made a couple of interesting comments sbout other women. Have you kissed or had sex with any other women during the course of your relationship, excluding the time you mentioned after your wife first mentioned the divorce?

1. Is this the first time your wife has told you she is afraid of you? Are you aware of anything which might cause this?

1. When you are in a bad spell snd take medicine, is this prescribed and managed by a doctor? Roughly whst proportion of a year would involve these bad spells and for how many weeks per year would you typically be on nedication?