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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Obsessing over Ex Husband

2 replies

PinkGorilla · 22/12/2025 10:22

My ex husband and I broke up end of January. There's was no infidelity involved, he just discarded me in quite a narcissistic and sudden fashion after years of us becoming mutually toxic and him emotionally neglecting me. The divorce was finalised in October, because he filed for divorce the day he broke up with me and rushed it all through as fast as possible. Now we are both around 3 months in to new relationships. I adore my new boyfriend. He is the kindest, most caring man I've ever met and I'm so lucky to have found someone like him so soon. However although I don't want my ex husband back, I can't stop feeling immense hurt, grief and anger when I see him or speak to him. I'm always obsessing over the meanings behind his words and actions and wondering why he's so much happier now without me and being the man I always wanted him to be. Little example... He always walks his girlfriend's dog, yet he would point blank refuse to walk our dogs. He's also very cold, rigid and robotic like over text which sometimes gets to me. Like when we're trying to sort Xmas plans and he's not being flexible. So I get upset as to why he lacks humanity and I can't understand why he hates me so much. I wish feeling like this would end. How long did it take you after the break up to start feeling indifferent towards your ex? When did it stop hurting to text or see them, or when your kids talk about them and their new girlfriend? I can't understand how I can be so happy in my new relationship and seeing a real future there, yet so hurt still over the past.

OP posts:
brokenbiscuitsadness · 22/12/2025 14:16

Without meaning to sound harsh it seems like maybe you rushed into a new relationship before properly processing your divorce, even if your marriage was toxic.

I too am in a similar position but was determined to take time to fully understand myself, ‘grieve’ and come
to terms with my feelings towards ExH before even contemplating a new relationship

TheCountessAtChristmas · 22/12/2025 14:36

This part stood out for me in your post
years of us becoming mutually toxic and him emotionally neglecting me.

Sounds to me like the marriage was over for a long time and he had very much checked out a long time ago. Added to the fact when it was finally called a day he filed for divorce immediately.

Did you want to make a go at it?

To be blunt from what you have said he stopped loving you a long time ago and perhaps what your feeling now is sadness and disappointment that he's acting in a way with his new partner that you wished he would have acted like you.

Its sad when a marriage ends, even if its whats for the best. I am sure you entered into the marriage with hopes of happy ever after and what your feeling now is grief. Whilst your still feeling these feelings its probably best to work through them and focus on yourself for now.

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