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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

I tried to divorce my husband and I've lost everything (even my children)

25 replies

DayDreamAway · 21/12/2025 17:15

My ex and I are both British living in EU. This week I found out the court of appeal in our EU country has granted my ex-husband permission to relocate our children to the UK. As we have been separated for 2 years and I have always been their primary carer, I never anticipated this would happen, especially since his first request to the court was denied and the judge ruled the children are settled in the country and remain with me.

However the court of appeal stated that because we are “expat family” in EU country the strict relocation law shouldn’t apply to our situation and have granted my ex-husband’s request. It means he becomes the primary carer of our children, I am no longer the resident parent and have to visit them every two weeks in the UK.

One child was born in the country and the other was 1yr old when we moved. They have never lived in UK and we have permanent residency from Brexit.

As it was already an appeal by the father I don’t have a further right of appeal myself. I’m truly heartbroken and devastated that my children are going to be taken from me (they have only stayed with their father for 2 nights since we separated).

I have been advised the court have not followed due process/have not applied the law correctly but I have spent everything I have and borrowed everything I can from friends and family to get this far. Unfortunately finances are just as challenging and there doesn't seem to be any end in sight.

I would not wish this on anyone - I am a normal mum, degree educated who gave up her career for her husband and dedicated her life to support her family, when I tried to be brave and leave the marriage which was deeply troubled he has been able to manipulate the court process to go all out for revenge and to punish me for daring to leave. I am in huge financial debt due to legal proceedings and now my children have been taken from me.

I don't know where to go from here, any suggestions welcome 😥

OP posts:
BruFord · 21/12/2025 17:27

I’m so sorry @DayDreamAway 💐

If you don’t have an established career and personal network where you’re currently living, I’d move back to the UK and rebuild your life there. It sounds as if you still have extended family and friends in the UK and why should you be separated from your children?

Your ex is punishing you, but you can take back control, luckily he can’t prevent you from living closer to your children.

purplejeanie · 21/12/2025 17:29

so So sorry this is happening. Is an option to move back to the uk and apply for custody there? Given that you’re the primary carer and a sahm presumably you’d have a good chance? Do you have somewhere to live?

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 21/12/2025 17:51

Get legal advice concerning the Hague Convention, because this situation strikes me as being at odds with Hague.

calminggreen · 21/12/2025 18:03

Why can’t you just relocate back to the UK with them?

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 21/12/2025 19:09

You need to relocate back to the UK. It sucks but you could then remain as primary career or at least have 50:50.

LemonTT · 21/12/2025 19:45

You need to speak to your lawyers they will know what legal options are open to you. But if the decision is final then surely relocation to the UK to co parent there is the best option. You need to restart your career. In the UK you can apply for a revised CAO. What is keeping you there?

It is not unknown for courts to agree to divorced parents returning to their home country with their children. If they can show a pull, a job, a home and family network and crucially citizenship then it can be a preferred option to less stable circumstances.

suburberphobe · 21/12/2025 20:16

Every post has their own idea without any experience.

" Oh yea, just move back" Well, easy to do if a couple of million in the bank, to move countries... to someone who has an established, life, job, child support system around... yea, fairy stories are nice but not reality.

@DayDreamAway

Get in touch with Reunite | International Child Abduction Centre | Child Abduction Charity

Reunite | International Child Abduction Centre | Child Abduction Charity

Reunite International Child Abduction Centre are the leading UK charity specialising in the movement of children across international borders.

https://www.reunite.org/

WiltedLettuce · 21/12/2025 21:08

I'm so sorry, that sounds so stressful. If it is about control though, I'd be tempted to call his bluff. Unless he has full-time childcare in the UK, if he's had them for 2 nights since you separated, he might not end up following through with the move.

FenceBooksCycle · 21/12/2025 21:20

@suburberphobe "Oh yea, just move back" Well, easy to do if a couple of million in the bank, to move countries... to someone who has an established, life, job, child support system around... yea, fairy stories are nice but not reality.

Except OP stated that she's also an expat in that other country and gave up her career to be primary carer so has no job or family out there to stop her returning to the UK. What do you think is so wonderful about that other country that OP should stay there? The EU court decided the children can be brought to live in the UK. If OP relocates to the UK then the UK courts can decide how best they should be cared for now they are here.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 21/12/2025 21:22

No advice at all girl, but i am so sorry. Your ex is a manipulative prick. A fucking prick. And so is the fucking judge.

I see no option but for you to come back to the uk to be with your kids.

So sorry - but girl, you did the right thing. This man is nasty and the second your kids turn 18, you are free of him.

🫂❤️

mumofoneAloneandwell · 21/12/2025 21:22

No advice at all girl, but i am so sorry. Your ex is a manipulative prick. A fucking prick. And so is the fucking judge.

I see no option but for you to come back to the uk to be with your kids.

So sorry - but girl, you did the right thing. This man is nasty and the second your kids turn 18, you are free of him.

🫂❤️

BruFord · 21/12/2025 21:28

suburberphobe · 21/12/2025 20:16

Every post has their own idea without any experience.

" Oh yea, just move back" Well, easy to do if a couple of million in the bank, to move countries... to someone who has an established, life, job, child support system around... yea, fairy stories are nice but not reality.

@DayDreamAway

Get in touch with Reunite | International Child Abduction Centre | Child Abduction Charity

@suburberphobe I expect that the OP will update us, but it sounded to me as if her family are in the UK and that she’s possibly not working?

I think she’d have more support in the UK and opportunities to rebuild her life. That’s what I’d do in her situation.

Summerhillsquare · 21/12/2025 22:27

What happens if you refuse to hand them over?

Truetoself · 22/12/2025 00:06

So if OP wanted to move back with her kids without the Ex what name would you call her?

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 22/12/2025 00:47

Truetoself · 22/12/2025 00:06

So if OP wanted to move back with her kids without the Ex what name would you call her?

It would depend on why she wanted to move. Generally, men abduct kids as a means of abusing the wife or because they simply don't think that the kids have the right to be with their mother. Women usually abduct kids to escape an abusive husband. https://www.hague-mothers.org.uk has more information.

Home - Hague Mothers

A FiLiA Legacy Project to raise awareness of the impact on mothers affected by decisions made by the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction and fight against injustices perpetuated by this legislation.

https://www.hague-mothers.org.uk

wannagoome · 22/12/2025 04:54

That’s horrific. I’m so sorry.
It feels like Dads have all the say because courts think Mums will just follow the kids anywhere but Dads won’t.
I really think the system is so wrong that two judges can do something entirely different in the same situation.
if you came up in front of the judge I had in the uk they would let you go back abroad again if that’s what the kids are used to, based on what they did in my case anyway.
Sorry I appreciate that’s no help. I hope there is a way your kids can stay.

cannynotsay · 22/12/2025 05:35

What country was this in!!! What an awful result I don’t even know how you’re coping I’m so sorry op

Greyrock2828 · 22/12/2025 06:02

I'm so sorry OP this is awful. Don't give up. I'm not sure which country you are in or what your exact circumstances are but some countries can be less favourable depending on your situation. Are you working right now? Is there any free legal advice you can get?
If you think there is no way of getting the kids to stay where you are then I'd consider moving to the UK to be closer to them, when you are able to do so.
It seems incredibly unfair if you have been the primary carer for this to happen. Your ex (if he was reasonable) would be able to see the unfairness of it. I imagine in reality he will find it difficult being a primary carer to 2 kids he's barely looked after but this sounds like a move he's done to punish you. What an a**hole.
Wherever you are have you looked on FB for a divorced in x country/city group - they are usually good places for advice and support within the local area.

arcticpandas · 22/12/2025 06:12

Can you move back to the UK @DayDreamAway ? Do you have any family there that can take you in? In that case do it and take the case to court in the UK asap.

HereforonedayonlytoavoidStrangerThingsspoilers · 22/12/2025 07:37

In August you started a thread saying you were returning to the UK with two of your children and were asking about home schooling. What changed between then and the appeal?

DayDreamAway · 23/12/2025 01:17

HereforonedayonlytoavoidStrangerThingsspoilers · 22/12/2025 07:37

In August you started a thread saying you were returning to the UK with two of your children and were asking about home schooling. What changed between then and the appeal?

When I was first been notified of the appeal to relocate in August I thought about returning immediately so I could choose location, education etc but I was advised if I left the country before the hearing it would be considered child abduction.

OP posts:
BruFord · 23/12/2025 01:38

@DayDreamAway In the appeal, how did your ex convince the judge that he should become the children’s primary carer?

I assume that he must have presented it as somehow advantageous for your children- but what’s the reasoning?

Passaggressfedup · 24/12/2025 21:25

When I was first been notified of the appeal to relocate in August I thought about returning immediately so I could choose location, education etc
It sounds like this plan backfired in that your ex could then used your intentions to move then to justify why he wanted to do the same.

Ultimately, if you thought it was the right thing to do then, why is it now no longer an option?

Angelil · 27/12/2025 12:28

Couldn’t read and run. So sorry. My husband works in the area of international child support recovery. Feel free to PM me. He also recommends that you move back to the U.K., FWIW xx

PurpleFlower1983 · 27/12/2025 12:33

Surely you should just relocate back here and go back through the court system.

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