My husband and I have been together for nearly 10 years and married for 6.
We have a 5 and a half year old DS and 3 year old DD.
When our son was born, around 2 weeks old, my husband said "i hate being a parent" I shrugged it off because of both being exhausted.
When my son was just over 2 I had my daughter. She was born late October and one night my husband had took on the night duty but I could just hear nothing was working so I came down stairs to receive "good I can't sort it, she just a greedy c**t." And in the complete darkness with no lights he put her on a chair and got up and walked off, I flipped a light on straight away and grabbed her. I got no apology for his vile language.
When she was 5 weeks old he chose to go out for a work Christmas party. He left me home whilst I was still recovering and with my new born and 2 year old. For context he hates work events and had never been to one previously.
When he got home I was broken, I didn't realise I was suffering from ppd. But he told me he wasn't that bothered about going out but still went, then when I said how hurt I was, he accused me of punishing him.
Every year his angry outbursts have got worse. He put it down to overstimulated, being a shift worker and general stress.
Last week I was accused of taking too long at his parents house whilst dropping of Christmas cards. He argued with me the whole way home to where I said ok im not part of this conversation anymore. He drove us home and chucked his keys at me to go inside, I said no youre not driving off with my kids, he kept on at me and I just screamed no in his face because I had years of rage that just burst. Regrettably this made my children cry, he got out the car and told me I lost a husband and he stormed out, no handbrake on but luckily I got it to stop by putting it in park. He told me to sort out the mes s I created.
Since then he came back and I told him how I felt and he said he wants to make things work but I have no love for him at all. I haven't for years. But im a SAHM and cant drive, no money of my own. I don't know how to start the ball rolling to leave.